


Tunnel Vision

by aleia



Series: Surrender [1]
Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canon-Typical Violence, Cuddling & Snuggling, Developing Relationship, Dom/sub Undertones, Drug Addiction, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mentions of Cancer, Past Drug Addiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:06:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 39,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24845761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aleia/pseuds/aleia
Summary: A 9-1-1: Lone Star AU where Carlos is not a cop. <3
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Judd Ryder & TK Strand, Michelle Blake & Carlos Reyes (9-1-1 Lone Star), Owen Strand & TK Strand, TK Strand & Paul Strickland
Series: Surrender [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1838566
Comments: 367
Kudos: 384





	1. Chapter 1

It’s not the first time Carlos has had an emergency situation since he started teaching. It’s not even the second or the third. It _is_ the first time he’s been one of the teachers dealing with the problem and not one of the teachers keeping all the other kids calm and out of the way. Now, he’s the teacher sitting on the ground holding a towel to Lizzie’s head while he has the 911 dispatcher on speaker. He knows that head wounds bleed a lot and it’s probably not as bad as it looks, but he still wishes that he wasn’t trying to calm Lizzie down on his own. Mr. Henke isn’t the worst principal, but he clearly knows more about liabilities and procedure than calming down a crying eight-year-old girl. Lizzie’s one of the toughest kids he knows so she’s trying to be brave, but no one is brave when their head is gushing blood. After she’s okay, Carlos is going to make her promise to never run in the hallway again.

He hears the fire truck before he sees it, so he has enough time to remind himself that he shouldn’t be disappointed if it’s not Michelle. It’s her first day with the 126. It’s not how he expected to meet her new co-workers.

Four firefighters get out of the truck, but they must have some sense because the captain goes to talk to Mr. Henke and instead of everyone crowding around Lizzie and overwhelming her, only one firefighter comes over and sits down in front of Lizzie.

“Hey. I’m TK. What’s your name?” he asks her.

“Lizzie.”

“Lizzie, it looks like your teacher did a great job taking care of you, but is it okay if I take a look?”

“It’s okay,” Lizzie says. TK smiles at Carlos as he reaches over to put his hand over the towel so Carlos can let go. Carlos looks away and hopes the sun covers up his blush. It’s not the time to think about the gorgeous firefighter who is obviously good with kids.

TK talks to Lizzie as he tends to her wound. It calms her down which should be a good thing except that Lizzie isn’t his favorite student because she’s quiet and subdued. TK says something about how they were smart about stopping the bleeding and Lizzie says, “Mr. Reyes is very smart and good at a lot of things. I think it’s weird that he doesn’t have a husband. Don’t you think it’s weird he doesn’t have a husband?”

Something Carlos doesn’t understand flashes over TK’s face, but it’s gone before Carlos can think about it.

“I think that’s Mr. Reyes’ business,” TK says while Carlos covers his face with his hand.

“When I get married, I’m going to marry another girl because I like girls. Do you like girls or boys or both?” Lizzie asks TK because apparently, she’s feeling much better now, and she feels bad that Carlos has to lie about having a favorite student, so she wants to make him change his mind.

“Lizzie that’s not an appropriate question to ask an adult you don’t know,” Carlos tells her.

“I know him. He’s TK,” Lizzie says without any sign that she’s sorry. TK laughs as the ambulance pulls up. Of course, Michelle looks at them, sees that TK’s basically finished bandaging Lizzie’s head and takes her time. At least TK is professional enough to move things along.

“Okay. You’re doing great, but my friend Michelle is going to take you to see a doctor so they can finish fixing you up,” TK says as he points to Michelle. “Michelle, this is Lizzie.”

Mr. Henke walks up to them as TK helps Lizzie stand up.

“We got ahold of one of her dads. He’s going to meet them at the hospital, but we’ve already got someone watching your class if you want to go with her. Her dad will probably be there when you get there.”

Lizzie gives him pleading eyes, so Carlos agrees. She’s a handful, but she’s eight. He’s not going to leave her alone with someone she doesn’t know even if it’s Michelle. She gives TK a high five before they leave.

“Are you mad at me?” Lizzie asks him once they’re in the ambulance.

“Now why would Mr. Reyes be mad at you for getting hurt?” Michelle asks before he can answer.

“Not for that. I asked TK if he likes boys or girls or both,” Lizzie says. “Mr. Reyes says I shouldn’t ask questions like that.”

Carlos tries to glare at Michelle to remind her that this is his student and they should teach her appropriate behavior.

“Well, he’s probably right,” Michelle says with a grin. “But I’m sure TK’s not mad, and he wouldn’t mind telling you that he likes boys.”

“He’s pretty,” Lizzie says. “Is he married?”

One of Lizzie’s dads needs to explain to her that not being married doesn’t mean someone is single. Also, he has never answered Lizzie’s question about himself because it _is_ an inappropriate thing for her to ask, but clearly, she’s got him figured out somehow anyway.

“He’s not,” Michelle says because Carlos needs better friends. “He just moved here with his dad from New York City.”

“And we’re at the hospital,” Carlos says as soon as the ambulance stops. “We should find your dad. I’m sure he’s worried.”

Lizzie lets him lift her out of the ambulance. One of her dads comes to meet them as soon as they’re inside, so after a few minutes of conversation with and a fist bump with Lizzie, he’s no longer needed.

“Come on. I’m off shift after we get back. Come back with me, and I can drive you back to get your car.”

Carlos knows better, but he follows her because he doesn’t have a lot of options.

“TK’s single by the way.”

“I don’t need to be set up by an eight-year-old,” Carlos tells her.

“What about by your best friend?”

“No.”

“He’ll probably be back at the station when we get there,” Michelle says like he didn’t object at all.

“Seriously, no.”

“Okay. But we’re going out tonight since it’s everyone’s first shift. Go home and change and meet us. Just come out and I won’t go out of my way to play matchmaker. I promise.”

“I’ll think about it.”

***

Carlos knows he’s going to do more than think about it already. He doesn’t need to be set up by his favorite student or his best friend, but he wouldn’t mind seeing TK again when he’s not at work.

“I knew you liked him,” Michelle says as soon as she meets him at the bar.

“I barely said two words to him.”

“Well, I can get his dad away from him if you want to say a few more.” Michelle pulls on his arm and directs him to where TK is sitting with his dad. TK smiles at whatever his father says and then snuggles into his father’s shoulder. It’s adorable. He’s not just gorgeous; he’s cute. Carlos groans.

“I know that look,” Michelle says with smile. “I’ll take care of his dad just _in case_ you want to make a move.”

Carlos lets her go because she’s right. He doesn’t want to hit on TK in front of his dad. It only takes a minute and then Carlos has to make his move before someone else does. They’re not at a gay bar, but Carlos can’t imagine someone like TK will be left alone for long.

“Hey,” Carlos says as he walks up.

“Hey,” TK says and then smiles as he recognizes Carlos.

“I’m not a stalker,” Carlos says. “Michelle’s my best friend. Sometimes she makes me come out.”

“Yeah?” TK says with a grin. “So you’re not here to get the answer to that question?”

“Not at all,” Carlos says. “I came over to ask if you if you want to dance.”

TK smiles and looks him over.

“Yeah.”

***

Three hours later, everyone is starting to file out and TK glances back at his dad.

“I should get him home,” TK says because his dad’s been drinking, and TK hasn’t.

“You should,” Carlos agrees because he tries not to make a habit of taking guys home after one night at the bar. He’s not sure he would have turned TK down if he’d asked, so it’s better that it’s not an option. TK reaches into Carlos’s back pocket and takes his phone. He holds it up to Carlos’s face so that it unlocks and then puts in his phone number before grinning and sliding it right back where he got it. This man is going to be the death of him. TK looks back at where Michelle is talking to his dad, and then pulls Carlos into a hard, dirty kiss that leaves his head spinning when TK pulls away just as fast. Then he’s walking away before Carlos can even process what happened.

“Well, that looked like it went well,” Michelle says.

“It was just one kiss,” Carlos explains. He teaches third grade. He can’t get caught hooking up in a bar.

“And you danced together all night.”

Carlos can’t help the smile that takes over his face.

“And we danced together all night,” he agrees. “Yes, I got his number.”

“You _like_ him,” Michelle says with grin.

Carlos can feel his face getting hot, but he can’t deny it.

“It’s nice,” Michelle says. “You haven’t really dated since…”

Carlos shrugs. “You haven’t either.”

“Yes, well, don’t go suggesting that I date the captain. It might be a little weird if I’m dating your boyfriend’s dad.”

Carlos scrunches his face. “Yeah, I’m calling dibs on dating a Strand.”

Michelle laughs as Carlos pulls out his phone to see that he already has a text from “👨🚒TK 🍑.” Carlos is definitely going to have to change that name. TK also texted himself from Carlos’s phone and then replied to his own text.

*

 **Carlos:** You’re so hot. I wish I could take you home.  
**👨🚒TK 🍑:** Next time. 😏  
**Carlos:** You’re really putting words in my mouth like that?  
**👨🚒TK 🍑:** I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.  
**Carlos:** And how are you going to do that?  
**👨🚒TK 🍑:** Hum…well, it should be fair. I put words in your mouth, you can put something else in my mouth.  
**Carlos:** I don’t even know what to say to that…  
**👨🚒TK 🍑:** Think about it. Text me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Michelle:** So…what’s a better way to get a favor? Reminding you how much you love me or telling you that the favor will involve seeing the boy you like?  
**Carlos:** I was friends with Iris. I’m not agreeing to anything until you tell me what the favor is.  
**Michelle:** It’s possible that the Captain was bragging about his culinary skills and I said that Texans are better in the kitchen than New Yorkers.  
**Carlos:** And you didn’t specify which Texans so you want *me* to cook?  
**Michelle:** Exactly.  
**Carlos:** Uh huh. And exactly how many people am I supposed to cook for?  
**Michelle:** Dinner? For everyone?  
**Carlos:** Michelle. Really?  
**Michelle:** TK will be very impressed! You know you want to cook for him.  
**Carlos:** Him. Not everyone in the entire firehouse.  
**Michelle:** And his father. Who will be very impressed with you.  
**Carlos:** You owe me. So much. So so much.  
**Michelle:** Yeah, I know.  
**Carlos:** When are WE doing this? (Because you’re definitely helping.)  
**Michelle:** Sunday.  
**Carlos:** As in tomorrow?  
**Michelle:** Yes?

*

 **Carlos:** I was going to ask you to go to lunch with me today, but thanks to my best friend, I have to finish all my grading tonight because she volunteered me to cook dinner for the entire firehouse tomorrow on her behalf. So I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.  
**TK:** Aww. You don’t have to make weak excuses to see me. I’m easy.  
**Carlos:** If it was up to me, I’d just being making YOU dinner.

***

TK’s on a call with his squad when Carlos gets to the firehouse.

“I know you’re disappointed, but he’ll be back,” Michelle tells him.

“I’m not. Because you’re going to help me and not use him as an excuse to not help,” Carlos tells her.

Which, of course, means that Michelle gets called away fifteen minutes after they start.

“I didn’t plan this,” Michelle says as she runs off.

“I should leave you to deal with this yourself.” Carlos calls after her.

“But she promised everyone an amazing dinner.”

Carlos almost cuts his finger. He tries to refocus before acknowledging TK, but TK jumps up to sit on the counter to distract him. Carlos is really glad he’s making something that he can make in his sleep. It was a given because there’s only so many options when he wants to impress TK while also having to factor in vegan and kosher options. Michelle owes him so much.

“I’m staying because it would be wasteful to leave all this for Michelle to make a disaster,” Carlos says with a glance at TK. He can’t look at the man too much or he’s going to get distracted and mess everything up.

“I’d offer to help, but it would ruin the bet because I’m from New York.” TK has such a beautiful smile. Carlos wants to make him smile all the time.

TK sitting on the counter is the opposite of helping. He’s distracting in every way and completely shameless about it. Only a few other people wander in and out of the kitchen. Whenever TK’s sure they’re alone, he takes the opportunity to step behind Carlos and press close. His lips brush over Carlos’s neck just enough to make Carlos drop the spoon before he pulls away with a laugh.

“Strand, are you trying to spy for your father or are you helping?” Michelle asks when she comes back. Of course, dinner is finished. Carlos wouldn’t be surprised to find out she got back earlier and hid to get out of any work. It’s hard to be mad when TK’s spent the last hour driving him crazy in the best way.

“He’s definitely _not_ helping.” Carlos says and TK just laughs at him.

“So really this is sabotage?” Michelle says with a grin.

“Why would I sabotage my own dinner? I would _never_.” TK touches his hand to his chest and gives them innocent, wide eyes and a slight pout. He’s such a brat, and Carlos wishes that he could put him in his place right on the counter.

They’re interrupted by a few more people wandering into the kitchen. Captain Strand peeks in and asks if he’s allowed to come in yet. Soon, Carlos is explaining all the different options and he’s separated from TK as everyone bustles around filling their plates.

Carlos always loves watching people enjoy his food. Michelle knows this, and it’s exactly why she knew she could get away with her scheme. He’d be happy at the end of it, even if TK didn’t sit next to him and spend the rest of dinner sneaking touches.

“Hang out. I’m off in half an hour,” TK says when he gets called to dish duty. His arm conveniently brushes between Carlos’s legs as he leans over him to collect some of the dishes.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so frustrated,” Michelle says as she takes the empty seat TK left.

Carlos just groans.

***

TK doesn’t even wait until Carlos gets his door open, and Carlos doesn’t have the strength to push him away. TK’s been teasing him for over two hours. Carlos hasn’t been this wound up over a guy since college. Carlos laughs with him as he pulls back to start unbuttoning TK’s shirt and TK gives back everything Carlos gives him, licking into his mouth and moaning into every kiss.

“Come here,” Carlos says he pulls TK away from the wall to try to get them further into his house. He wants to lay TK out on his bed. Instead, they end up against the wall next to the door as Carlos kisses his neck and TK strips off his own shirt and tosses it on the floor. Maybe they can make it to the bed for round two. Carlos directs him to the couch instead and pushes him down before tossing away his shirt. TK looks up at him with an easy grin like he knows Carlos is going to give him whatever he wants. He’s not wrong. Carlos covers TK’s body with his own and finds his lips again. For a moment, Carlos thinks TK’s going to give up control, but then his hands are on Carlos’s ass and he’s rolling them over onto the floor.

Carlos considers pulling him back up after TK starts kissing down his chest with a clear destination in mind. TK’s been a brat since they met and it’s impossible to not want to demand control. But it’s their first time hooking up and they still haven’t talked about anything important. So instead of flipping them back over, Carlos lifts up his hips and helps TK pull off the rest of his clothes, laughing when they have to take a break to get his shoes off.

TK goes down on his cock like he’s starving for it and moans when Carlos threads his fingers through TK’s hair and pulls. He encourages and follows every little direction Carlos gives him. After so much build up, it’s only a few minutes before Carlos is choking out a warning. TK just doubles his efforts at the warning until Carlos is coming in his mouth.

Carlos pulls at his arms to get him up. TK’s jeans are still on, but Carlos takes care of that as he kisses TK hard before manhandling him back onto the couch. TK’s pants are still around his ankles when Carlos wraps his lips around TK’s cock and sinks down. TK finally stops pushing back and lets Carlos hold him down. He whimpers as Carlos pulls him forward to get more access. When Carlos runs his hand up TK’s thigh to soothe him, and TK grabs his hand and holds on. It makes everything feel more intense, so Carlos pulls off for just a second and jacks TK off with his free hand. He squeezes TK’s hand and kisses the inside of his thigh.

“It’s okay. I’m going to take care of you. I got you,” he says before going back down. TK moans and whimpers, gripping Carlos’s hand as he slowly loses control. He spreads his legs wider and slides a few more inches off the couch. Carlos slides the fingers of his free hand back slowly, giving TK time to pull away if Carlos is reading his hints wrong, but TK presses into him, so Carlos quickly slips his finger into his mouth to get it wet.

If TK wants to really get fingered, he’s going to have to put up with Carlos stopping to find some lube. Carlos makes a mental note to have it closer next time because TK definitely wants it. He pushes back against Carlos’s finger and Carlos has to hold him down and remind himself to be careful. He’s considering slowing down and moving them to the bed so that he can change course and fuck TK as soon as he’s ready to go again. But before he can shift gears, TK’s warning him and coming down his throat.

They don’t move right away. Carlos sits back on his heels and rests his head on TK’s thigh until TK lets go of his hand and pulls away.

When Carlos looks up at him, TK doesn’t meet his eyes. He just nudges Carlos away. It’s completely opposite of every interaction they’ve had so far, but Carlos knows that some guys need a bit of space to recover. It’s the opposite of what Carlos wants, but he pulls back anyway. TK stands up and pulls up his pants, so Carlos grabs his underwear and slips it on to keep them on more even ground.

He tries to act normal as TK gets up because he’s not sure where he went wrong.

“Oh my god, that was…you’re really good at that.” It’s not the best thing to say but _Carlos_ is still recovering and TK’s already across the room.

“Yeah, you’re…you’re not so bad yourself.”

TK smiles at him as he walks by to get his shirt, but it’s not the open, happy smile he’s had before. It’s not even the bratty smirk that drives Carlos crazy.

“Wow. You’re not even gonna catch your breath?” Carlos sits up to look at him. He tries not to be hurt. He’s been with guys who couldn’t spend the night, but he’s never had a guy rush away while he still had their taste in his mouth.

“I had a long shift. I need to get home to sleep,” TK says as he fiddles with his phone with his shirt half on. “It’s how much to get home? Isn’t this place supposed to be cheaper?”

“I can drive you,” Carlos offers. “Either now, or we can go for round two and I can take you in the morning.”

“You’re sweet and…very hot,” TK says with a hint of condensation in his voice. “But I just want to crash, and I already called a Lyft.”

TK leaves without even saying goodbye.

***

Carlos isn’t sure if he should text TK or not. Everything felt good and then TK just left him on the couch, and he hasn’t texted Carlos since. Maybe Carlos is overreacting. TK had just worked a 24-hour shift. Maybe he realized how tired he was and felt like it was too early to spend the night. It’s not like he’s specifically said anything was wrong and Carlos hasn’t texted him either. Maybe he realizes that he hurt Carlos’s feelings and doesn’t know what to say.

Carlos makes it until Thursday only because his job demands a lot of attention.

 **Carlos:** Free this weekend at all?  
**TK:** Working Friday-Saturday.  
**Carlos:** Want to come over Saturday?  
**TK:** I’m not off until 8 at night on Saturday.  
**Carlos:** Not that late.  
**TK:** Yeah, ok.

***

Carlos makes dinner. It helps that he already knows TK’s dislikes and allergies from cooking at the firehouse, and it calms him down. Maybe they just started with too much too fast. They _did_ hook up before ever having a real date. It’s not how Carlos likes to do things, and TK deserves better than that. TK deserves dinner and romance. If Carlos wants him to stay longer than a few minutes after hooking up, then he should put in some effort. Carlos sets the table with champagne and puts on a nice button up shirt when TK texts that he’s on the way.

TK attacks him as soon as he opens the door. It’s not that Carlos minds, but it’s not going to show TK that he wants more than just hookups if he keeps letting this happen. It can happen after their romantic dinner. In the bedroom, hopefully, instead of TK sucking him off on the floor by the couch.

Of course, that doesn’t mean, Carlos can’t enjoy how much TK’s obviously attracted to him a little bit.

“It’s like that, huh?” Carlos asks with a smile.

“You don’t like it a little rough?” TK asks and then goes for his neck before ripping open Carlos’s shirt. It’s hot. Carlos definitely likes to get a little rough. But later. Later, if TK wants to let Carlos fuck him into the mattress, he’ll do exactly that. Now, Carlos pushes him away just enough to push down the hood of his yellow hoodie and hold his face.

“Just take a breath, tiger.”

“What? You’re the one that asked me to come over.” TK goes for his neck again and it takes all of Carlos’s willpower to pull him back a second time.

“Yeah. I did.” Carlos smiles at him and turns him so that he can see the set table, then walks forward to pull out a chair for TK.

“I know it looks like a lot of work,” Carlos says. He worries a little when TK hesitates, but TK sits down, so Carlos figures it’s just surprise. After last time, it makes sense that TK just expected a booty call. Carlos leans over him a little as he adds, “Don’t worry. It wasn’t.”

“None for me. Thanks,” TK says when Carlos offers the champagne, but at least he gives Carlos a smile, so maybe that’s okay. Maybe he’s not sure he wants to spend the night. Maybe he drove and wants to be able to drive home. It’s fair. They don’t know each other very well yet. All the more reason to fix that.

“Sorry. I should’ve asked,” Carlos says as he turns away to get the salad. TK looks annoyed, but Carlos can’t seem to stop talking. If anything, the food will fix it. Carlos knows he can cook. People who don’t even like him will put up with him to get his cooking. He knows that. “The guy at the market told me that this red snapper was fresh, so…”

When TK still looks unhappy, Carlos sighs. “Damn, you don’t like fish.” He should have asked. He should have done this better. Just because TK’s not allergic to fish, doesn’t mean he likes it.

“This feels like a—like a while thing,” TK says with a wave at the table.

“A whole thing?” It is very much _a whole thing_ , but Carlos hears himself trying to deny it anyway. “You mean dinner?”

“No,” TK says. “It’s just, I thought that we were clear about everything. I’m not looking for this.”

“Well, I’m sorry,” Carlos says as he sits down. He knows defensive is the wrong way to go, but showing how much his heart is sinking is definitely worse. “but I don’t do this a lot.”  
It’s an understatement. Teaching wasn’t his first career choice, so he’s only been at it three years. He’s only recently started to feel like he has enough energy to care about having a personal life again.

“Clearly.” There’s an edge of teasing in it that doesn’t feel like the playful teasing they’ve had up until now.

“I don’t think it’s a big ask to have an actual conversation before we hook up.”

“Well, I think it’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” TK says and Carlos can’t argue with that. Yes, they’ve had some conversations, but not about anything important. Everything was very shallow flirting and foreplay. “Look, I just got out of a relationship. I’m not looking to jump into another—”

“It’s a meal, not a marriage proposal, TK.”

Carlos regrets it as soon as TK’s face shifts from closed off but slightly apologetic to just plain sad.

“What? Did I just step into something or…”

It’s obvious that he just very much messed up any chance of saving the night. TK pushes back his chair and gets up. Carlos should probably take all the hints and let him, but instead he still gets up to go after him. He’s never been good at not being the guy who holds on too long. “Wait, are—are you—are you serious right now?”

“Dude,” TK says, raising his voice a little as he turns around. “You invited me over here after I got off a 24-hour shift. What do you want me to say?”

“Yeah. Because tomorrow’s a school night and I wanted to see you.” He probably should’ve known better. It’s not like Michelle wants to go on dates after she gets off a long shift. But he didn’t want to be worrying about getting up early and he didn’t want to wait another week. “Why are you being so crazy?”

TK looks like he wants to say something, but he just turns around and starts to walk away.

“I’m sorry for the misunderstanding,” TK says and then he’s out the door and gone leaving Carlos with an open bottle of champagne and a dinner that he doesn’t want to eat. A dinner that he probably won’t even want to cook again.

He should clean everything up, but he doesn’t want to. He wants to curl up in bed and call Iris so she can rant about how TK is an asshole. Then she’d come over and cuddle him and they’d eat everything together or if he was too miserable, she’d eat it and because she always appreciated his cooking. But they can’t do that.

He could call Michelle. They’re friends now. But she’d feel bad about pushing him at TK. Plus, TK has to work with her. _Michelle_ has to work with both TK and his father. Carlos doesn’t want to make things weird for her when she just started with the new crew. Plus, if he’s honest with himself, TK’s not wrong. Carlos planned this romantic dinner because he wanted more, but he did it without asking TK if that was what he wanted at all. TK even tried to let him down gently until Carlos made that impossible.

Carlos can’t call Iris, so he dumps everything into the trash and then takes out the trash so that he doesn’t have to look at it anymore. He almost doesn’t notice TK sitting on the curb two houses away. A car pulls up to the sidewalk and TK gets in before Carlos can decide what to do. TK didn’t drive. He had to wait outside for a car because he had to get out of the house and away from Carlos _that much_.

Carlos goes inside and strips down to his underwear before crawling into bed.

“I hate you sometimes,” he says to the Iris inside his mind. “You were my best friend and you just left me. I need you and you’re not here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie. Half of the changes on this fic are because of Carlos’s change in profession and half are because I don’t think some of the original things made sense anyway. I just can't figure out how they ended up randomly hooking up in cannon when that doesn’t seem to fit Carlos’s personality at all. So I fixed it. (I feel like it would have made sense after that first night that Carlos asked him to dance, but it’s clearly a different day. They had to have some kind of a date unless they met on a call and flirted through it. And then TK acts like dinner is total shock? Anyway, I had to make them meet in another non-date to make it happen.) Also this is only the second time I’ve watched that dinner scene in whole because it’s so painful to watch. Now I’m never watching it again. It's so uncomfortable and I DO think TK's justified but I love Carlos and I hate to see him hurt. Anyway, I hate to leave him here so I'll get the next chapter up in less than a week. I promise.
> 
> (Yes, Carlos changed TK's name in his phone. He probably took a screenshot because it was adorable, but he can't leave it like that.)


	3. Chapter 3

Getting through Sunday is the hardest, but it at least gives him a day to mope so that by the time he’s back at school, Carlos has shifted to being able to throw himself into his work. It’s a good thing because Lizzie comes to school in a mood. She’s gotten better at managing herself throughout the year. She still demands extra attention, but they’ve worked out a system that lets him get through the lesson. She’s already used up all her “No Good, Very Bad Day” cards for the semester, but she puts an extra pencil on the right side of her desk, so he knows to give her some extra attention when he has time. Several of the kids are struggling with the math lesson because no matter what he does to explain that everyone has different way of learning, there’s always some parent who insists on telling their kids that they need to learn it a specific way. To be fair, the state tells him the same thing.

Lizzie says her papa still doesn’t understand common core math and she doesn’t either. Carlos still isn’t sure if it’s the truth of if she’s just decided that it is because she wants to be exactly like her papa. Either way, it doesn’t cause problems because her dad likes common core, so she knows it well enough. Maybe he’s biased because they’re gay, but he thinks they’re also probably just good parents. Either way, it means Lizzie’s finished her worksheet by the time he has time to call her up to his desk.

“Papa’s gone for ten days,” Lizzie says as soon as she sits next to his desk. Carlos already knows because he printed out the Texas Stars schedule as soon as he figured out that her papa helped coach the local AHL team. Apparently, her papa was a big deal, but it’s hockey and not football and he didn’t come out until well after he retired from playing, so it doesn’t matter to anyone in Austin. Carlos only follows the schedule so he can predict Lizzie’s moods. Lizzie likes to tell him everything about the team anyway and it’s easier to pay attention because he doesn’t already know everything that she tells him. He also doesn’t get that annoying urge to correct a child for no reason that he gets when some of the kids talk about the Cowboys. He’s not going to be placing any bets on the hockey team because she might have everything wrong, but he’s just going to believe in her knowledge for now.

Either way, it’s kind of calming to sit and listen to her talk so she can get her need for extra adult attention out of her system. Later, she double checks that he’s watching the flag football game she’s taking part in during recess. It’s embarrassing how much it helps him feel needed and important. Iris didn’t say goodbye, and TK doesn’t want him for more than his body, but at least his kids love him.

***

Carlos is asleep when his phone rings after midnight on Thursday night. It’s TK. Carlos turns the phone face down. He doesn’t want a drunk booty call from TK. It goes quiet for a few seconds before it rings again. TK has to be drunk to be not giving up.

But Carlos knows how much it kills Michelle that she didn’t answer the phone the last time Iris called her. TK isn’t Iris, but Carlos doesn’t do hookups because he always ends up getting attached. So, he picks up the phone.

“Carlos?” TK says after Carlos doesn’t actually say anything.

“I’m not up for a drunk booty call,” Carlos tells him.

TK goes silent for a minute before he says, “I’m not drunk.”

“I’m not into a sober booty call right now either.”

“I know. I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know anyone else in Austin that won’t tell my dad.”

Carlos sighs and sits up. “What’s wrong?”

“I went to this bar out kind on the edge of town and now I can’t get an uber to pick me up. They keep canceling and my phone is dying. I’m sorry.”

“Where are you?” Carlos says. He has to write down the name of the bar because he’s never heard of it. He knows it would probably be safer to keep TK on the phone, so he’s glad that they have the excuse of TK’s phone dying to hang up. He’s not sure how they’d come up with things to say to each other the entire time it will take for Carlos to get to him.

It’s not a bar that Carlos has ever been to. It’s just barely in the city limits. And it’s not the kind of bar that’s friendly to gay people. Carlos can pass for straight, but that doesn’t mean he wants to do so in his leisure time. It’s possible that TK got confused and didn’t realize. He _has_ only been in town a few weeks.

Carlos finds him a sitting by the highway a quarter mile away from the bar. When he pulls over, TK gets up and gets in the passenger seat. Carlos glances in his direction and swerves a bit when he sees TK’s face. His lip is busted and there’s a bruise forming around his left eye. Carlos pulls over onto the shoulder.

“TK, what the hell happened? Did you not google the bar before you went there?”

“I did,” TK mumbles.

“This is Texas. You can’t just go to any bar by yourself.”

“I knew what I was doing,” TK says, raising his voice. Then he deflates just as quickly and sinks back into the seat away from Carlos. “It was stupid. Can you please just take me home?”

Carlos gives him a nod, but he unbuckles his seat belt so that he can reach the first aid kit on the floor of the backseat. He finds the instant ice pack and squeezes it to activate it before handing it to TK.

“Thanks.” TK looks at him with such sad eyes that Carlos has to look away and remind himself that he shouldn’t care. He closes the kit and tosses it in the backseat before pulling back onto the highway.

TK’s quiet until they’re almost back to the city and Carlos has to ask him to type his address into the navigation system.

“I’m sorry I went crazy on you the other night,” TK says after the phone tells them that he’s still got a while to drive.

“I spend most of my time with children. I’m used to it.”

Carlos expects that to be it, but TK keeps talking. It’s like when his kids get angry about lunch detention and then spend the entire time talking to him.

“Look. I just went through a really bad breakup, like nuclear bad. And then I relapsed.”

“You mean with me?” Carlos doesn’t even have time to blame himself before TK says, “No. I mean with substances.”

TK looks away as soon as Carlos glances in his direction, but not before Carlos sees how wet his eyes are.

“Right,” Carlos says as he looks back at the road. “Which explains your reaction to the champagne.”

TK drank water the whole time they were at the bar and Carlos just assumed it was so that he could drive his dad home. Once again, Carlos has to think about how little he consulted TK before planning a date with him. He offered alcohol to someone who’d recently relapsed. No wonder TK bolted. “I’m such an idiot. I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, okay,” TK says even thought Carlos still doesn’t think it was fine. “Ever since I’ve gotten here, it’s just grey. It’s just grey and I feel numb all the time. I guess I just wanted to feel something. So I went to that bar and started a fight.”

Carlos doesn’t know what to say to that. He’s not sure TK wants him to say anything. It’s possible that the only reason TK told him is because he thought Carlos deserved an explanation for being pulled out of bed in the middle of the night.

“Look, I’m not trying to be your boyfriend, or even your friend if you’re not into it,” Carlos says because he’s not trying _anymore_ at least. “But you should talk to someone about why you did something so suicidal.”

“I know,” TK says. “I have someone. It’s just not a quick fix.”

The silence is less tense, but Carlos still feels it. When they pause at a stop light, he looks at TK and then reaches over to get a pack of wipes that he has in his glove compartment.

“You have blood on your face,” Carlos says as he hands them to TK. TK is the kind of guy who fights fires, hooks up with guys he barely knows, and gets into bar fights. Carlos has wet wipes in the glove compartment of his Camaro. Iris used to laugh at him about how soft he is on the inside. TK doesn’t say anything, but Carlos hears him open the pack.

When they stop again at the next light, Carlos sees that TK’s missing the blood by his lip completely.

“Here. Just let me,” Carlos says. Their fingers brush as he takes the wipe form TK’s hand and cleans his face while TK looks back at him like he doesn’t know how to deal with someone handling him if it’s not rough. Carlos pulls back abruptly when the car behind him honks because the light’s turned green.

“Thanks,” TK says so quiet that Carlos barely hears him.

They’re quiet until TK asks him to pull up to the sidewalk just before the phone says they’re at his destination.

“I don’t want to wake anyone up if I can help it,” TK says when Carlos gives him a questioning look.

Carlos nods and pulls over, but TK doesn’t get out right away.

“Thanks, for all of this. I know you probably didn’t even want to see me again, but you still picked up. I’m sorry I was such a jerk.”

“I’m sorry I tried to push you into something you weren’t ready for,” Carlos says because even if TK says it’s fine, he still should’ve noted that TK didn’t drink.

TK shakes his head like he doesn’t think Carlos should be apologizing at all, but he opens the door and gets out. Carlos is sure that’s it, but TK leans back in.

“The glasses are really sexy,” TK says with a smirk before closing the door and walking away like he didn’t just spin Carlos’s brain all over again.

***

Carlos is cursing TK the next morning when his alarm goes off. He struggled to get right back to sleep even after he masturbated—which he did purely to try to help him sleep. It had nothing to do with TK and his stupid beautiful face smirking at him and complimenting the glasses Carlos wore because TK woke him up in the middle of the night.

He refills his coffee from the pot in the lounge before he even gets to his classroom.

Carlos sits at his desk for only a second before he goes to one of the pocket charts at the front of the room. It’s the “No Good, Very Bad Day” chart. At the beginning of each semester, he gives the kids three “No Good, Very Bad Day” cards. It’s not exactly a get out of jail free card. They still have to try. But kids learn good behavior when he respects their feelings, and everyone needs a bit of a break sometimes. His kids aren’t all like Lizzie. They don’t always want to tell him that their mom is sick or their parents had a fight. So, they can hand him a card and as long as they don’t cause a lot of extra trouble, he can let them skip their turn at reading aloud or cut down on some of their more frustrating assignments for a day. If they want to hand it to him privately, they can do that, but if they want to move their name onto the chart so the other kids know they need a little extra space and kindness, it’s an option.

In fairness, Carlos lets himself have two cards a semester too. He’s careful not to use them in the first few months before any of the students have used theirs and learned to appreciate them, so one of his first semester cards goes to waste. He’s had other teachers tell him the whole practice is just an excuse for kids to slack off and they’re not actually learning anything from it. But if that was true, then it wouldn’t work for Carlos to slide the “Mr. Reyes” card into one of the pockets on the chart. It’s not foolproof. If a kid is going to have a bad day, they’re going to have it, and he’ll deal with it because he’s an adult and it’s his job. But the kids are always better those days. They shh each other adorably and raise their hands. By the end of the days he always has a stack of adorable drawings to remind him that he’s good at his job, and he’s helping his kids learn to care about other people.

It’s only the second time he’s put his own name in the chart, but by February all the kids have used up at least one of their own cards. They sit quietly as he takes roll and it almost makes him tear up because he loves these kids so much. At recess, Lizzie comes to sit with him instead of playing football. Her best friend comes with her, but Ariel usually spends recess sitting by the sidelines and cheering her on, so it’s not special that she followed Lizzie to the bench.

“My daddy’s coming to pick me up after school,” Lizzie says. It’s not unusual exactly. Her parents switch off pickups with Ariel’s parents and a couple other parents they’re friends with. It only matters to Carlos because he appreciates that carpooling makes the pickup line go faster. He loves his kids, but by the end of the day, he’s happy to send them all home. He wants kids of his own one day, but not fifteen at a time.

It’s not until Lizzie comes running back to him from the car that he realizes why she mentioned her dad picking her up. Lizzie’s dad is one of the best bakers Carlos has ever met. Carlos _likes_ baking, but he hasn’t mastered it because he can’t practice when he doesn’t want sweets in his house all the time. Lizzie thrusts a bag of some kind of brownies into his hands.

“I hope you feel better!” She says and hugs him before running back to her car. It means that she broke the rules and texted her dad sometime during the school day, but when Carlos takes a bite of the coconut butterscotch brownie, he can’t find it in himself to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought a lot about how I wanted to change this chapter from cannon. Feel free to ask why I made certain changes in the comments. That said, I think this change is where I'm first seeing a shift in how it affects their relationship. I really like that it gives TK some of his agency back and lets him decide to call Carlos for help and also control what he shares.


	4. Chapter 4

**TK:** Thanks for picking me up last night. I’m SO sorry.  
**Carlos:** It’s ok. I don’t want you to die outside of town. Michelle just started at the 126. If your dad quits, she has to train a new captain.  
**TK:** Thanks for not telling her about what happened.  
**Carlos:** I know you work with her. I know you didn’t want anyone to know.

***

“Hey Carlos. What’s the latest in your life? How’s Lizzie doing? Are your kids ready for the STARR tests?” Carlos says after they’ve gone over all the new information Michelle has about Iris that hasn’t really told them anything useful. It’s not that he doesn’t miss Iris. It’s just that he thinks it would be better to move on. There’s no evidence of foul play and Iris wouldn’t want them to put their lives on hold forever.

“I’m sorry. This hasn’t exactly been a two-way street lately.” Michelle says. “You want to tell me what happened with TK? In my defense, you’ve avoided the question when I asked and he’s avoiding me when we’re not on calls, so I was waiting for you to tell me when you were ready.”

Carlos sighs. “I did _not_ say I was ready. I even shared my amazing brownies with you.”

“That you got from Lizzie’s dad obviously. So she noticed you were sad.”

“Maybe it’s a thank you for going to the hospital with her.” Carlos says even though he got a pie for that. He didn’t tell Michelle about it because he ate it all by himself the day after the disaster his attempt at a date turned into.

“Then they’re half mine anyway,” Michelle says.

“You didn’t do anything. By that logic, they’re half TK’s,” Carlos says without thinking.

“So then why isn’t he over here sharing them with you?” Michelle asks.

Carlos sighs, but if he really didn’t want to talk about it, he won’t have prompted her. He knows well enough that she wasn’t going ask about his students.

“We hooked up and then it got weird.”

“Doesn’t it always get weird?” Michelle says, which is just unfair.

“No Michelle. It doesn’t always get weird.” Not that Carlos really knows. When he told TK that he didn’t do this often, he meant it.

“So, tell me why it got weird this time.”

“I tried to make it more than a hookup. It wasn’t what he wanted.”

“What?” Michelle says as she sits up more. “How could he not want more with you?”

“Because it’s not me. At least I think it’s not me,” Carlos pauses as he tries to think of something that won’t betray TK’s trust. “He’s just not in a relationship place right now. He thought we were on the same page about that. Don’t go to work and be weird. He tried to be nice about it. I came on way too strong obviously.”

Michelle doesn’t answer him right away. He can see her thinking. That’s why he waited to talk to her about it. Iris is who he’d wanted when he was freshly hurt and just wanted someone to tell him that TK was stupid and awful. Michelle is better to have now.

“And he hasn’t talked to you since then?” Michelle asks.

“No. He called when he needed a favor.” At Michelle’s indignant look, he adds. “He didn’t want to call anyone he works with and I’m the only other person he knows. He texted to apologize and thank me after.”

“So that means he’s open to still talking to you.”

“Aren’t you supposed to tell me to get over him?” Carlos asks.

“Is that working?”

Carlos can’t help the small smile on his face as he admits, “No, he’s a ten, and now I kind of can’t get him out of my head.”

“So why don’t you ask him out again? He’s clearly open to still talking to you.”

“Oh no. He’d probably ghost me. He already rejected me once.”

“Well,” Michelle says with a smile. “He still talked to you. He clearly doesn’t hate you. Can you come on less strong? Give him some time to get to a relationship place?”

“And what if he never gets there?”

“Friend-zoning isn’t a real thing, Carlos. You should know better than that. If he just wants to be your friend, then is that so bad?”

She’s right and he knows it.

“Also, I saw how he looked at you when you made dinner. Come on less strong and I really doubt that he’ll like you less after he gets to know you.”

“I already made a fool of myself.” It’s an understatement. He’s glad he has the excuse of protecting TK’s privacy to not explain how he’d completely missed that TK doesn’t drink.

“What were you just saying about shallowing pride?”

Carlos laughs. Maybe he just wanted her to give him an excuse. It’s not like TK didn’t do something at least as embarrassing.

***

Carlos types and retypes his text to TK. He doesn’t want TK to think he isn’t interested anymore at all, but he knows that it’s wrong to push for a real date when TK’s already set a boundary. And he knows Michelle’s right. Whether he likes it or not, he has to accept that friendship might be all he gets, and he needs to be okay with that.

 **Carlos:** If you have time this weekend, I can show you around Austin so you that know more places to go and have a better idea of safe places to go. No pressure. Just hanging out.  
**TK:** You’re asking me out again after finding out what a disaster I am? Did you miss that I started that fight?  
**Carlos:** Maybe I just want to keep you out of trouble so I can sleep at night.  
**TK:** There are more fun ways to keep me out of trouble. 😉  
**Carlos:** You can decide if you want to earn them, I guess.  
**TK:** Yeah. Okay. I can do tomorrow.  
**Carlos:** That works. Time?  
**TK:** Anything after noon.  
**Carlos:** I can pick you up at 12:30 and we can get food.

So much for keeping the conversation completely friendly. It just makes Carlos more confused, but he doesn’t _want_ to just be friends with TK, so he can’t help enjoying the hope it gives him.

 **Carlos:** We have plans tomorrow afternoon.  
**Michelle:** See, that’s good!  
**Carlos:** His mixed signals are confusing. He rejected me and now he’s flirty.  
**Michelle:** Well, maybe he saw how nice you were when you helped him with whatever favor you won’t tell me about. Or maybe if you just go slow and give him time, then he’s open to that.  
**Carlos:** I don’t know.  
**Michelle:** And why can’t you just ask him?  
**Carlos:** Because he might say that he’s flirting because he thinks casual sex is still on the table.  
**Michelle:** And if he says that, you’ll have to say no and you don’t want him to run away completely?  
**Carlos:** I’m not sure I can make myself say no.  
**Michelle:** What time is your not-a-date?  
**Carlos:** I don’t need you to interfere.  
**Michelle:** It sounds like you do. I said you had to respect it if he just wants to be friends, not that you had to pretend you’re fine with him using you for casual sex.

***

TK doesn’t look excited for their date at all. He smiles and leans in to kiss Carlos’s cheek, but it’s not his real smile at all. The kiss is another confusing thing. It could be friendly. It doesn’t _feel_ friendly.

“How do you feel about barbecue?” Carlos asks because he’s not going to make the mistake of not asking TK what he wants again.

“Does this mean you’re going to take me to the best place?” TK asks.

“In Austin at least.”

“Then I’m game.”

It’s not a lot of enthusiasm, but Carlos tries not to take it personally. It’s hard not to when he’s spent so much time thinking about TK for the past few days, but TK did say that everything felt grey.

“You know you didn’t have to come, right? You don’t have to hang out because I picked you up the other night,” Carlos says when they have food and TK’s just picking at it. It’s hard to make sure he’s taking TK’s opinions into account when TK just says everything is fine. Carlos thought sitting outside on the patio would be good for his mood, but TK’s from New York City. Maybe he hates eating outside.

“Sorry. It’s not like that. I mean, I do _owe_ you, but that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to come. Things are just messed up right now, and if I don’t figure it out, my dad will get involved. That’ll just make it worse.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

TK shrugs, but once it starts, it’s obvious that he doesn’t just want to talk about it, he _needs_ to. The problem is that TK’s not much better at telling a clear story than a third grader. Luckily, Carlos is very practiced in letting upset people wear themselves out until they’re calm enough to make more sense. If anything, he’s at least learning some weird facts about TK. It _is_ impressive that he rescued a window washer from the top of the Chrysler building even if Carlos doesn’t think that fact has anything to do with TK’s current problem. So, Carlos lets TK rant about his co-worker until TK notices that Carlos finished his food while TK was talking.

“Sorry. You’re so nice and I’m just ranting at you,” TK says. He blushes and looks down at his food.

“It’s okay. But you still haven’t really told me what happened.” Carlos has figured out that Judd thinks TK’s a spoiled brat who doesn’t know how to do his job, and that he must have told TK exactly that. But he has no idea what happened that led up to that. It’s possible that Judd is just an asshole, but Carlos thinks he would have heard as much from Michelle if that was the case.

TK finally gains an interest in his food. He moans after his first bite and looks up at Carlos. “Oh my god. What is this?”

“I told you we do barbecue better here,” Carlos says with a smile.

“I thought that was just some kind of stuck up Texas pride thing. Everything’s bigger and better in Texas and all that.”

Carlos laughs because he gets the point. “I’m well aware that not everything is bigger and better here. But the barbecue really _is_ better.”

“Some things are bigger, too,” TK says with a smirk. “But maybe that’s just you.”

Carlos chokes on his drink. TK looks way too satisfied with himself when Carlos stops coughing.

“You’re such a brat. Eat your food and figure out if you want to tell me what really happened with Judd.” TK looks like he’s going to fight back, so Carlos pushes TK’s plate and nods toward it on reflex. It’s not until TK drops his eyes to his plate and starts to eat that Carlos realizes how much he made it sound like an order. Carlos should apologize because TK definitely responded like he wanted the order, but they haven’t talked about anything they should have for Carlos to be giving him actual orders if he’s going to respond like that. It’s possible that TK isn’t calling him on it because he doesn’t know enough about dominance and submission to understand his own reaction.

Either way, Carlos notes to himself to be more careful. TK’s obviously it a rough place. Carlos has no idea what TK wants from him, but he knows that he doesn’t want casual sex, and he doesn’t feel like playing with BDSM elements will do anything but mix them both up more.

“I messed up on a call,” TK says with his eyes still on his plate. “Judd was in charge because he was the only one who knew how to rescue someone from a _corn silo_. He gave me an order and I ignored it. _But_ it wasn’t just a random order. He told me to leave Marjan after she got buried under all this corn in a giant silo. I couldn’t just leave someone on my team instead of trying to help.”

“Why’d he tell you to leave her?”

“Because it just made me fall in. Everyone had to get out and they had to cut holes in the side so we could all get out from there. But he didn’t explain that. He just kept yelling at me to leave her.”

“Would you have listened without an explanation if he was your dad?” Carlos asks as gently as he can.

“You think he’s right,” TK says with a pout that tells Carlos the real answer to his question.

“I think there’s probably not always time to explain things, and you said Judd was in charge for a reason.”

“I’m used to knowing how to help people,” TK says, but then he adds, “And if I don’t, it’s always my dad teaching me. And I _trust_ that he’s giving me the right orders.”

“And he’s always been the one correcting you for a while, too?”

TK shrugs.

“Sometimes I hate it here,” TK says instead of answering. “I feel stupid all the time. I feel like I don’t even know how to be an adult. I’m confused about where I am all the time. I don’t know anyone who isn’t judging me and how good I am at my job. I had to call you after I completely messed everything up because I got lost and couldn’t get home like a child. My job is supposed to be the one place I know what I’m doing. It’s the only thing that makes sense, or it’s supposed to be, but now I’m messing that up, too. And he went off on me right in the station so everyone else knows that I fucked up.”

Carlos gets up and walks around to the other side of the table so he can sit next to TK. TK curls into him as soon as Carlos’s arms are around him.

“Do you think if you apologize to him and explain some of that then maybe he’ll understand?” Carlos says without letting him go. It’s probably crossing the friend line a little when he kisses the side of TK’s head, but TK leans into him more.

“He hates me already.”

“Maybe not. You were both upset. And I don’t think _everyone_ knows. Michelle didn’t mention it to me at all. She might have wanted to let you tell me yourself, but I think I’d be able to think about some hints now that I know, and she didn’t give me any.”

TK shrugs.

“I’ve been to New York City _one_ time when I was nineteen. I was thinking that maybe I’d move there where it was more liberal. I’d never been somewhere like that where I couldn’t just drive and park when I needed to. I didn’t understand the subway, and I was obviously in everyone’s way because I got yelled at three times trying to figure it out. After one day, I rented a car at the airport and drove down the east coast. I spent the rest of my vacation at the beach in Jersey because I couldn’t handle going back to the city. When I came home, I told everyone that I’d decided to go to school in Texas because I thought I should keep fighting for more diversity here. I really just got scared and I couldn’t handle it. I’d already failed at the first thing I tried after high school. I was too scared of that happening again.”

He’s never told anyone about that. Not even Iris. He was big guy even at nineteen. Long past the age where he felt like he could admit to being scared to be lost and alone.

TK cuddles closer for a second before sitting up and smiling at him.

“The driving thing freaks me out,” TK says. “I _can_ drive, but I’ve never had a car. This is the first time my dad’s had a car since before I was born. In New York, there’s always a cab or the subway. I got in a cab here and the driver didn’t know how to get where I wanted to go and then my phone was being slow so I couldn’t figure it out for him. Now I just take Ubers and Lyfts so I don’t have to know anything. Of course, now I know that if I go too far, they won’t come to get me.”

“I’m glad you called me, but maybe don’t go to that bar again.”

“Noted,” TK says with a laugh.

They spend the rest of the afternoon checking off the most important things TK wants to have access to in Austin before Carlos drives back to his house.

“Thanks,” TK says as he lingers in the car. “I’d invite you in, but my dad’s home soon.”

“You live with your dad?” Carlos asks without thinking.

“He took the job and we moved before we even had a place. It’s just easier until I figure out where in the city I want to live,” TK says with obvious embarrassment.

“It makes sense.”

“You think it’s weird.”

“I’m too scared to even visit New York City alone again so I’m not going to judge you for living with your dad for a bit.”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” TK says with a smile. “Thanks for this. I know I was a kind of a shitty date in the beginning.”

It’s the first time either have them have called it a date. Carlos couldn’t help wanting it to be a date even if he knew it might not feel that way for TK.

“You weren’t that bad, but it helps that you’re pretty.” He moves slowly enough that TK can pull away, but TK meets him for a soft kiss. He whines when Carlos sits back.

“You know, we _could_ go to your house.”

“Not today,” Carlos says even though it’s hard. “I can do slow and give you time to be ready for a relationship. Or we can just be friends. But I really didn’t ask you to hang out just to take you to bed again.”

“We didn’t really make it to your bed the first time,” TK says, but before Carlos can call him out, he leans forward to steal another quick kiss and gets out of the car.

***

 **Michelle:** How’d it go?  
**Carlos:** Good. I think.  
**Michelle:** You think?  
**Carlos:** He’s still confusing. I’m going to go home, eat the rest of the rest of Lizzie’s dad’s amazing chocolate coconut butterscotch bars. I’m going to beg her to get the recipe for me on Monday. If you’re nice, maybe you can try my attempts at making them.  
**Michelle:** But if they’re too good, you’re going to give them TK?  
**Carlos:** Shut up.  
**Michelle:** lol.  
**Carlos:** Can you find out if he likes chocolate, coconut and butterscotch without being obvious?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always if you find typos, feel free to tell me if you want and I'll fix them. And I'm always happy to discuss why I changed cannon or added anything that I did. <3


	5. Chapter 5

**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Are you ok? Are you working?  
**TK:** I’m okay. I’m at work. We’re about to head out to calls now that the tornado has passed.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Be careful.  
**TK:** Are you ok? Are you home?  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Yeah. It didn’t touch down near me. I couldn’t even see anything interesting out the window.  
**TK:** Why the fuck were you looking out the window?? 🤬🤬  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** There wasn’t anything near me.  
**TK:** Oh my god. Stay inside.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** …are you worrying? About me?  
**TK:** Clearly you’re that stupid meme of that guy mowing his lawn with a tornado behind him.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Nah. I pay a high school kid to mow my lawn so I don’t have to buy a lawn mower.  
**TK:** Are you enjoying this? 😡  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** A little. Sorry. Don’t worry. I’m fine. If you promise to be careful, I promise to stay away from the windows.  
**TK:** Do I get a reward for being careful?  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Not getting hurt?  
**TK:** I work well with motivation. 😏  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** I think not getting hurt should be worth it but I’ll think about it.

***

TK doesn’t know how to process the knowledge that his dad has cancer. Sometimes, right after his relapse when they were still in New York, TK would slip into his father’s room and crawl into his bed like he was a kid. His father would rub his back until he relaxed or hold him until the cravings felt manageable. TK knows he can do that now. But then his father will know how scared he is. He’ll know that maybe TK _is_ too fragile to handle this.

TK waits until his dad is in bed before quietly stepping outside. He’s snuck out of the house three times since they got to Austin and been amazed that his dad never woke up and noticed after the way he insisted on TK living with him. Now all he can think about is how his dad has been exhausted and sleeping more than normal, and TK was so wrapped up in himself that he just thought he was lucky to not get caught.

TK wants to go back to that bar and start a fight or find some drugs. He wants to go on grindr again and find some guy who will make him forget everything for a few minutes even if he hates himself for it later. Feeling grey would be better than what he’s feeling now. Instead he finds himself staring at his text thread with Carlos. Sex would be better than a fight. Sex with _Carlos_ might be better than drugs. It’s scarier than just going on Grindr because at least then he could find a sure thing and Carlos has done nothing but turn away his attempts to take their relationship back in a sexual direction He thinks about the way Carlos gently cleaned his face after picking him up at the bar. He thinks about the way Carlos held him on the bench during their last date. He can’t ask his dad to hold him this time, but Carlos _wanted_ him to stay after they hooked up the first time. He’ll probably let TK cuddle afterwards if TK can just figure out how to not get sent home before anything happens at all.

 **TK:** Can I come over? Please?  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Are you ok?  
**TK:** Physically, yeah. Sorry. I know it’s late and a school night.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Come over.

TK almost cancels his Lyft twice, but he can’t seem to make himself do it. Once he’s at Carlos’s door, he knocks only because it’s late and waiting will make him feel like more of an asshole.

When he tries to go for a kiss, he knows Carlos is probably not going to let it continue, but it still feels like the easiest thing to do. He barely knows Carlos. This would all be easier if Carlos would just let him make it about sex. But he knows he’s not even really disappointed when Carlos stops him because Carlos holds his face in both hands and the obvious concern in his voice when he asks what’s wrong breaks TK’s control on his tears.

Carlos pulls him close immediately and lets TK sob into his chest. He cups the back of TK’s head and calls him _sweetheart_ as if TK’s ever done anything to earn his care and affection.

“I’m sorry,” TK says through his sobs because he knows how weird this is. If a guy he hooked up with once showed up on his doorstep and started crying uncontrollably, TK hopes he’d be nice enough to try comfort him, but TK also knows he’d think it was completely inappropriate and weird.

“Shh. It’s okay. You don’t have to be sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about.” Carlos squeezes him tighter and kisses the top of his head. He lets TK cling and even rocks him a little while he cries. “I’ve got you. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

It’s more than TK deserves, and he knows it.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t do this at home.”

Carlos tells him that it’s okay again. He calls TK all kinds of sweet pet names in English and Spanish and holds him until TK can finally take deep breaths and start to relax against him.

“He has cancer,” TK says as Carlos gently wipes his face. “I have to be strong for him, but I can’t lose him. I’m only holding it together because of him. I need him. I can’t lose him.”

Carlos pulls him closer again and TK sags against him. If Carlos asked him right now, TK would probably agree to whatever commitment he wanted just as long as Carlos would keep holding him.

“It’s late,” Carlos says as he pulls back. TK clings before he can stop himself and then instantly feels stupid about it.

“Hey,” Carlos says as he kisses TK’s temple. “I’m not kicking you out. It’s okay. Let’s just lie down, okay?”

TK nods and lets himself be led to the bedroom. Carlos undresses him and gently eases him onto the bed. It’s already unmade. TK notices for the first time that Carlos is wearing pajama pants already. He let TK keep him up on a school night _again_. Carlos strips off his shirt that’s covered in TK’s tears and tosses it in a hamper before directing TK to lie down and pulling the covers over him to tuck him in. TK worries for a minute that Carlos is going to sleep elsewhere out of misplaced chivalry, but he walks to the other side of the bed and spoons against TK’s back. TK can’t hold in his sigh of relief. It feels like the only thing holding him together are Carlos’s arms wrapped around him.

“I can’t do this without him. I’m not strong enough,” TK says in the dark.

“What do the doctors say?” Carlos asks.

“He’s doing chemo. They think they should be able to control it.”

“Then you try to believe that right now.”

TK nods as Carlos kisses his shoulder.

“Can I do anything to help you sleep?” Carlos asks. “Besides sex. We’re not doing that right now. Not like this.”

TK chuckles despite himself. Sex _would_ help him sleep, but he’s not going to pretend that he’s feeling like it right now.

“Just this, if that’s okay,” TK whispers.

“It’s okay.” Carlos squeezes him tighter for a second and TK lets himself relax in his hold. “Wake me up if you’re awake and having a hard time, okay?”

TK nods even though he’s definitely not going to do that. He’s already asking for more than he deserves.

***

Carlos is still holding him when TK’s alarm goes off. He cuddles closer reflexively as TK turns it off.

“Sorry. My dad has chemo this morning and I said I’d go with him,” TK says as he pulls away and starts to get up.

“I have to get up soon anyway,” Carlos says as TK finds his pants where Carlos left them folded on his dresser. “Do you want coffee?”

“No. I should get home. Don’t worry about it.” Now that it’s morning, he can’t look at Carlos after remembering the previous night. Obviously, Carlos is a saint, but no one actually wants to have a guy they barely know have a breakdown on them. That’s the kind of thing a boyfriend deals with. Not even a new boyfriend. That’s not something to throw at a guy until at least three or four months. TK calls his Lyft as he closes the door behind him.

***

“What’s his name?”

TK startles and turns his phone screen off when Paul sits down next to him.

“I wasn’t looking at your phone, but you’ve been staring at it your whole shift every time you have a break. _Judd_ is going to figure it out if you don’t decide if you want to text him or not.”

TK groans. Of everyone on his regular squad, Paul is the one he can most imagine being friends with, but he’s also scared that Paul’s going to figure out how much of mess he is, and TK’s not ready for that. Of course, he already admitted to what happened with Alex. Paul’s probably smart enough that he did the math and figured out that TK came to Austin to get away from his failed engagement. If he’s thought about why TK knew it was exactly 116 days, then he might have figured out about the relapse.

“Michelle’s friend?” Paul guesses.

“Do you have to figure everything out?”

“You hung out in the kitchen the entire time he was cooking. You left with him. I didn’t have to work very hard.”

“Did everyone else see that?” He was careful during dinner when everyone was with them. TK’s sure his father didn’t notice. He would have asked. Michelle definitely knows, but she’s obviously respecting his privacy.

“Just Marjan. We told the probie he was just giving you a ride and he bought it. Marjan may have made a comment about how you definitely wanted him to give you a ride, but I don’t think she told anyone else.”

TK laughs.

“So? You made me text Josie. What’s keeping you from texting Carlos?”

TK sighs and looks down at his phone without turning the screen on.

“We hooked up and then he wanted to make it something serious and I didn’t. Now it’s weird.”

“You rejected him and now you regret it?” Paul guesses it.

“Sort of. But we’ve hung out again already. I needed help with something, and he helped me. And then we sort of went on a date. Maybe. I think it was a date, but he was trying to act like it wasn’t. Maybe because he thought I didn’t want it to be a date. But also, maybe because he realized I’m still messed up from my last boyfriend and he doesn’t want to deal with that. Either way, it went okay. But then I made it weird again because I was upset about something else and he was there. I don’t even know what to say him. ‘Hey, sorry I’m a complete mess. Do you want me to just leave you alone so you can date someone else?’”

Paul doesn’t answer him right away. When TK looks at him, Paul just shakes his head.

“I’m trying to figure all of that out. You’re obviously leaving some stuff out, and that’s fine, but all I’m getting is that this guy must really like you.”

TK nods. He knows the smile on his face is probably kind of stupid. “I think he does. I just don’t get _why_. I’ve been a disaster this whole time.”

“Do you like him?”

“How could I not? He’s basically perfect. He’s sweet and cooks and he looks like _that_.”

“So what exactly is the problem?”

“Did you miss what happened with my last relationship? I’m not ready to do that again.” Now that it’s over, TK can see that his relationship had problems. Carlos seems so perfect now, but opening himself up to getting hurt again when he hasn’t even stopped hurting from Alex feels like too much. Not to mention that he’s not even supposed to be dating so soon after a relapse. He can’t explain that part to Paul, but it’s why he hasn’t told his father. His dad has never interfered in his relationships before, but he’s never been so strict about _anything_ else before either.

“You just gave me a speech about getting up and trying again.” Paul bumps their shoulders together and TK groans and slouches down further into the couch.

“I asked my boyfriend to _marry me_ and he told me he was in love with his trainer. I pawned the ring because I couldn’t face returning it to the jeweler. I think it’s fair that I’m not ready to try again yet,” TK leaves out the part where he used the money to buy drugs.

“Have you explained that to Carlos?”

“Sort of. I told him I just got out of a serious relationship and the breakup was bad. Now it’s like he went from wanting to have formal dates to acting like we’re just friends unless I push it.”

Paul startles him by laughing.

“Dude. Have you looked at this from his point of view? He’s probably so confused. He must be crazy about you to keep trying.”

“I know. I know. I got so weird the other night and then in the morning, he just offered to make me coffee like it was normal. Who does that? I don’t even know what to text him. He texted me later to ask how I was doing, and I just told him it I was fine because I don’t know what else to say. ‘Sorry I’m completely crazy. Do you ever want to see me again? I get if it if you don’t.’”

“I can give you better advice if you’ll explain what you did the other night that was so weird.” Paul leaves it open. That’s what makes it easier to talk to him. He accepts that TK wants to keep some of his secrets. TK shakes his head.

“Then I think you could just apologize and see how it goes. It doesn’t sound like he’s going to scare away easily. How about this? I’ll ask Josie out if you text Carlos.”

TK nods because he _does_ think Paul should give Josie a chance. The alarm goes off and saves him from having to worry about it for another couple hours.

***

 **TK:** I’m sorry about the other night. I know it was weird.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** It’s okay. I meant it when I said you didn’t have to be sorry. You had a good reason to be upset. I’m glad you let me help.

The craziest thing is that TK believes that Carlos means it and isn’t just saying it. He’s still trying to think of an answer when another text comes through.

 **👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Lizzie got her dad to give me the super-secret recipe to these amazing coconut butterscotch brownies. I’m going to try to make them Friday or Saturday. If you want to help, you can have some. I promise they’re the best thing to have when you’re sad.  
**TK:** I’m not good at baking.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** I should warn you that I’m not as good at baking as I am at cooking. But I like to try sometimes. But no pressure. Michelle likes to show up late so she can just eat.  
**TK:** I can do Friday.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Sounds good. 6pm, okay?  
**TK:** Sure.

***

TK hasn’t baked a single thing since he took home ec as an elective in high school. He can’t say that he successfully baked anything then. But he can’t back out. He showed up on Carlos’s doorstep and cried all over him. He’s lucky that Carlos even wants to see him again. TK’s not a horrible person. Obviously, he would support his friends or a boyfriend the way Carlos supported him. But he knows that he doesn’t deserve to have Carlos call him a friend yet, and he’s not even close to being ready to be anyone’s boyfriend again. If a guy he hooked up with once put TK through even half of what he’s put Carlos through, TK wouldn’t be inviting him over to make fancy brownies.

No matter how normal Carlos is pretending it all is, TK still has to work up the nerve to ring his doorbell and it’s a struggle to look Carlos in the eye when he opens the door.

“Hey. I didn’t really know what to bring for baking, so I didn’t bring anything,” TK says. “I told you I was going to ruin these, right?”

Carlos takes his hand and pulls so that he has to uncross his arms as Carlos pulls him inside. He feels more naked than when he was actually naked. Carlos cups his cheek and tilts his head up.

“You know you didn’t have to come if you didn’t want to. You don’t owe me anything for the other night. And we don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

TK shrugs. He has to shift his eyes away to answer. “I wanted to come. I just…I don’t know why you’d want me to. I’ve been a jerk and a mess since we hooked up. I give good head, but not _that_ good. I don’t know why you still like me.”

Carlos’s hand moves to the back of his neck and his fingers thread through TK’s hair as he pulls TK close and lets TK hide his face in Carlos’s neck. He takes a deep breathe and tries not to freak out by how much he wants to stay there forever.

“I should’ve listened to your hints before I made that dinner. It wasn’t your fault that you weren’t ready for that. I’m not going to pretend the bar fight was a great idea, but I’m glad you called me because it was the safest thing to do. You’ve had a lot going on and a lot to adjust to, and you shouldn’t feel bad about the other night. I’m glad I could help. As for why I like you, you’re sweet and you’re smart. You tried all kinds of new things when we drove around the city. You listened to my advice about Judd instead of insisting that you were right. And you’re so much braver than me because I could never make such a big move. Not to mention I was so scared when Lizzie got hurt, and you were so sweet to her and you got her to completely calm down before Michelle even got there.”

Carlos kisses his temple and gives him a moment to breathe.

“We can go as slow as you need and the invitation’s open to just be friends if that’s what you want, okay?”

TK nods into his neck. When Carlos lets him go, he turns quickly to the kitchen to give TK some space.

“Also, you _do_ give good head.”

TK is so surprised that he chokes out his laugh.

***

TK spends most of the afternoon just trying not to get in the way, but Carlos gets him to relax and feeds him extra butterscotch and chocolate chips. He only slaps TK’s hand away after he samples the dough for the third time.

“You’re still a better helper than Michelle. She sits at the table and watches,” Carlos says. “Of course, she’s less distracting.”

“We have twenty-five minutes to kill,” TK says as he steps into Carlos’s space. They’ve been flirting the entire time, but he’s only gotten a couple short kisses that make him want more.

“I still have to make the chocolate glaze,” Carlos says, but he doesn’t pull away from TK’s kiss until right before it intensifies. TK can’t hold back his whine, but Carlos just laughs at him.

“When I said I needed to go slow I meant with all the relationship stuff. I didn’t mean we couldn’t have sex.”

It’s probably not the best thing to say, but Carlos just laughs at his frustration and starts measuring chocolate chips.

“I feel like you’re making this glaze take way longer than it needs to,” TK says after Carlos takes five minutes to measure out the perfect amount of chips.

“You don’t know anything about baking.”

TK steals a few chips from the cup.

“I know you don’t need an exact number of chocolate chips for anything.”

“Resisting you isn’t easy.” Carlos holds him away when TK tries to go for his neck, but he doesn’t look upset. Still, TK can accept a no when he gets one. He waits until it’s clear that Carlos will be standing behind the pot and moves to hug him from behind. Instead of pushing him away, Carlos moves his free hand on top of TK’s where it’s wrapped around his waist.

“I’m not sure how long it’s going to take for me be ready for something serious. It might not be any time soon. I’m still such a mess. You’ve seen that,” TK says into his back.

Carlos threads their fingers together and lifts TK’s hand to kiss his palm.

“I’m not in a hurry.”

“I can’t promise you anything.” It’s not fair to ask Carlos to wait when it might be for nothing. TK might just go back to New York when he’s ready.

“That’s okay. I’ll consider myself warned.”

***

TK ends up with plasticware full of the most amazing dessert bars he’s ever tried. He’s going to have to hide them from his dad to avoid questions about where they came from.

Carlos kisses him at the door just long enough to make TK whine pathetically when Carlos pulls away.

“Okay. I’m not saying that I won’t hang out with you if you’re not going to have sex with me until I know what we’re doing, but I feel like you’re enjoying teasing me.”

“Maybe a little,” Carlos admits before kissing him again quickly and pulling away before it can intensify. “But that’s not why I’m doing it. I just know you were kind of unsure about things when you got here, so it doesn’t feel right yet, okay?”

“Unsure about things” is a really polite way to say “mortified about being a disaster,” so TK nods and lets Carlos open the door and lead him out to his car. He gets another kiss when Carlos drops him off. His dad isn’t home, so TK goes straight to his room and lies down. If he curls up in bed with a smile on his face, no one else has to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm trying not deal with my issue of making this different from My Salvation by switching points of view. Also, it let me have more Paul, which is always nice.


	6. Chapter 6

After Josie leaves, TK lets Paul have a few minutes alone before going up to the bunks with the Ziploc bag of brownies that he brought from home. Marjan gives him a sad look as he passes so she must have overheard what happened.

Paul’s curled up on one of the bunks.

“This is some kind of personal space violation,” Paul says when TK pushes him over so TK can lie down next to him.

“You can report me to HR, _or_ you can take advantage of my very rare moment of generosity and have one of these ridiculous brownies Carlos made while I got in his way.”

“So _your_ date went well,” Paul says, but he takes the bag from TK, breaks off a piece of the bar inside and pops it in his mouth. “Oh my gosh. What did you do to deserve this?”

“Literally nothing,” TK says. “I walked out after he made me dinner, called him for a favor in the middle of the night, and managed to have one sort of okay date. Then I messed that up by coming over just to have an emotional breakdown on him. That was the weird thing. I asked to come over because I was upset about some news I got, and I just had a total breakdown. I am not one of those people who looks pretty when they cry. And he responded by inviting me over and making these.”

Paul looks over at him. “Seriously?”

“I blew him before all of that, so maybe I just give really good head. That’s the only thing that makes sense, but we haven’t had sex since then, so maybe not.”

Paul groans and hits his shoulder, but he breaks off another piece of the dessert.

“She’s crazy if she doesn’t accept you like you are,” TK tells him.

“Would you?” Paul asks. “I’m not hitting on you. I’m straight. I’m just saying. It’s easy to judge her when you don’t have to think about it.”

“First of all, this question is rude because I’m a disaster, and you’d never put up with half the stuff I’ve put Carlos through, so _you_ wouldn’t date _me_ ,” TK says and it’s worth it for the laugh he gets from Paul. “ _However_ , if I was in any way ready to have a relationship, it wouldn’t be the fact that you’re trans that would keep me from dating you. It would be the ridiculously hot teacher who keeps feeding me amazing things. I’m still not convinced that he’s not some kind of fever dream.”

Maybe he never woke up after he overdosed. Maybe Carlos is his happy coma dream.

“Thanks. It was just hard enough to date in Chicago, you know? In Texas, it’s probably impossible.”

“Yeah. I can’t believe you let my dad talk you into this.”

“It was a lot of money,” Paul says. “ _And_ I could tell you were gay. My old boss wasn’t great, so I figured it was worth a shot.”

TK nods. If he goes back to New York, there’s always a chance he’ll get stuck somewhere with a captain that lets homophobia slide. He still hasn’t figured out what he’s going to do about that.

“So,” Paul says after a minute. “You realize that you just admitted that you don’t actually want to date anyone else, right? So all you’re doing by not committing to him is making it so that _he_ might date someone else.”

“I know.” It’s why he hasn’t toned down his flirting no matter how many times Carlos says they can just be friends until he’s ready.

“Are you _trying_ to sabotage yourself?”

TK shrugs because he doesn’t know how to explain.

***

 **TK:** So…if I want to go to a place with a lot of queer people, where would I go?  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** What kind of place are you looking for?  
**TK:** I need to take Paul out. Somewhere can we dance?  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** You’re asking me where to take another guy out?  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Look, I understand that you’re not ready for anything serious. I can respect that. I accept that you can see other guys. But I like you. I don’t think I can help you go out with other guys. You can google.  
**TK:** Ok. I’m not that much of an asshole, but I guess I kind of haven’t done anything to prove that, so I probably deserve that. I’m sorry.  
**TK:** Paul just got dumped after one date. He’s straight, but he’ll be fine in a gay bar. But I’m not in any way trying to hook up with him. He is not interested.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Sorry. That was an overreaction.  
**TK:** It wasn’t if that had really been what I was doing. You should call me out like that if I’m doing something that hurts you.  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** There are a few places you could take him.  
**TK:** You know, if you don’t want me grinding on someone else, you can come with us. You have Monday off, right? 😈 

TK isn’t surprised when the typing bubbles on Carlos’s phone stop abruptly and take a few seconds to start again.

 **👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Is that an invitation? If you’re wanting to just go out with your friend, that’s fine. I didn’t mean to get defensive. I don’t want to make Paul feel like a third wheel if he got dumped.  
**TK:** I’m sure he will only appreciate having someone else to distract me if he finds a girl to dance with.  
**TK:** Of course, if you want to stay home and think about other guys grinding on me when I’m perfectly happy to have you there to do it…  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** Do either of you drive? I can pick you up.  
**TK:** You can pick us up at 11. If you want to drink, I can drive us both back to your place after…  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** What am I going to do with you?  
**TK:** Something hot, I hope. Finally. 🍆 💦  
**👨🏫Carlos 🔥 🍆:** We’ll see.

***

TK tells Paul not to leave without telling him and doesn’t give him details. Then he slips into his dad’s office.

“So. you heard about what happened with that girl Paul went out with, right?” TK asks.

His dad nods, and TK can see a little guilt.

“It’s not like he had a girl that he left in Chicago,” TK says. “I could’ve happened anywhere.”

His dad gives him a small smile and a nod. It’s true, but TK knows that doesn’t necessarily help.

“I was gonna take him out. It’ll probably be good for both of us to be around queer people.”

His dad raises an eyebrow.

“We’ve been here over three months. I can go to a gay club to dance and not drink,” TK says. 

He’s honestly not sure how much of a fight he’s going to be up against. His dad doesn’t have any real way to enforce his rules at this point unless TK messes up at work. But TK also doesn’t want to fight him, and if he’s honest, he still kind of needs something to keep him in check some nights even if he doesn’t need it tonight.

“I’ll be with Paul.”

“You’ll be with Paul the whole time?”

“And I’ll do a drug test tomorrow if you want. I won’t even get mad about it.” TK hopes that offer is enough to make his dad not notice that he didn’t actually agree to stay with Paul.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you.”

“I know, but I’m not arguing. I just need to be able to have friends and hang out. I’m twenty-six. You’re already making me live with you. You can’t keep me from having a life forever. That’s not going work. You know that. And I know you don’t think _Paul_ is a bad influence.”

That gets his dad to laugh and nod. “Have fun. Call me if you need me.”

TK thanks him and hurries out of the room so he has time to take a long shower. Then he spends enough extra time on his hair that Judd comments on how he’s clearly his father’s son. He still beats Paul because he got in the shower early. If he sees Carlos pull up from an upstairs window and hurries to get downstairs to see him, no one else has to know about it.

Carlos is leaning against is car looking so gorgeous in a tight black t-shirt that TK wants to climb him right outside of the station. When he smiles, TK finds himself smiling back before he can stop himself. It still amazes him that with all his mistakes, Carlos smiles like TK makes him _happy_. He smiles into their kisses, and when he’s trying to cook, and TK gets in his space. Even when TK tries to block him out, he still holds TK’s face in his hands and gives him a gentle smile and says it’s okay. TK loves it. TK’s terrified that he doesn’t deserve it. It’s that terror taking over that makes him hide his own smile with a smirk when Carlos hooks his finger in one of TK’s belt loops and reels him in.

“Hi,” TK says, enjoying the heat in Carlos’s eyes. Carlos has kept that heat in check the last few times they’ve seen each other, and TK was starting to worry it was never coming back.

“You’re a menace. You know that?” Carlos says with his hands firmly on TK’s back to keep him close.

“I didn’t do anything.” It’s not exactly true. He knows that he got Carlos here by teasing him with the idea of other guys dancing with him, but maybe he likes hearing Carlos call him a brat and a menace in that tone.

“You know exactly what you look like.” Carlos’s hand slides up his back and grips his neck as he pulls TK to him. The kiss is demanding and dirty and makes TK push back in hopes that Carlos will keep going until he surrenders. Instead Carlos pulls away and holds TK back when he whines and tries to chase his lips. He even chuckles at TK’s obvious frustration.

“Are you trying to tease me until I’m desperate? Is this some kind of kink or revenge thing for you?”

Carlos smile falters a little, but he just leans forward and kisses TK again so sweetly that it brings up all the feelings he’s trying to avoid. It’s only Carlos’s firm grip on the back of his neck that grounds him enough to not freak out and tell Carlos that maybe he should just hang out with Paul after all.

“We’re outside your job. Where your father works. And we’re supposed to be cheering up your friend,” Carlos says when he pulls back.

“You knew all those things when you kissed me like that,” TK points out. It’s not as snarky as he wants it to be because he’s still trying to calm down his heart.

“Sometimes it feels impossible not to.”

TK groans because _that_ does not help calm him down, but he lets Carlos push him to the side so that he’s leaning against the car next to him. Carlos’s arm comes around his shoulders and squeezes him closer as Carlos presses a kiss to his temple. It doesn’t help TK want him less, but it does help settle that part of him that wants to run in the other direction. When Carlos lets him go and crosses his arms, TK’s able to hold in his complaints because he sees Paul walking toward them with his head down. As much as he wants Carlos, he really does want to help Paul. Paul’s in this whole mess with him and the past week as shown him how much he’s missed just having queer friends. TK _wants_ Carlos, but maybe what he actually _needs_ is Paul.

***

“Okay, watching you two is getting painful,” Paul says when they’re by the bar waiting for Carlos to come back from the bathroom.

“Sorry. Are we being too coupley?” TK asks because he’s been trying to make sure Paul doesn’t end up feeling like he’s a third wheel.

“No, you’re both doing a very good job of meeting that friend requirement,” Paul says with an eye roll. “I’m talking about how every time you speak to each other you’re stumbling over everything. He’s afraid of scaring you away by being too clingy. You get upset when he pretends that he’s fine with other guys getting close to you, but I promise he’s glaring at them every second you’re not looking. You know what he said to me when you went to the bathroom?”

“What?”

“I said I knew you liked him, and he implied that you just keep talking to him because you don’t have other options yet. I’m not saying you should say you’re ready to be his boyfriend when you’re not, but maybe make it clear that you like him for more than his body and convenience. Because he really doesn’t seem to know that you’re not going to come back here and pick up another guy when he’s not around. You think he won’t sleep with you again because you messed up, but you might just need to make it clear to him that you want to sleep with him because you like him.”

“I thought he knew that.”

“Have you actually said it? Have you told him that you like _him_?”

TK thought it was obvious. He spent the entire time they were working on the brownies flirting and getting in Carlos’s way. He even always answers Carlos’s texts in a reasonable amount of time.

“Have you told him that you’re not seeing anyone else? That you obviously don’t want to?”

TK hasn’t. If he says that, then it’ll be serious.

“Do you want him to date someone else?” Paul asks and TK glares at him.

“If you want people to know things, you have to tell them. With words. At least make sure he knows that you like him. That’s not that serious,” Paul says as he shakes his head at TK. “Seriously, this is why I don’t understand how anyone who likes men gets hung up on me being trans. They should be lining up at my door. I’m going to find the girl I was dancing with because she said to find her after she had time to check on her friend. _You_ should use your words.”

Paul picks up his drink and walks away just as Carlos comes back.

“Everything okay?”

“With Paul? Yeah. He’s finding the girl he was dancing with. He was just telling me that I’m an idiot.”

At Carlos’s questioning look, TK takes his hand. “Can we talk outside maybe?”

Carlos nods and leads him out a back door and onto a patio. There are a few people smoking, but Carlos pulls him to an empty corner. Carlos starts to pull his hand away, but he doesn’t resist when TK holds on. Unfortunately, for some reason, it’s a lot harder to get the words out when he’s talking to Carlos instead of Paul.

“If Paul said something because of something I said, I’m sorry,” Carlos says when TK doesn’t say anything. “You’ve been really clear about needing time. I—”

“I like you,” TK interrupts because he didn’t bring Carlos out here to make him apologize when he didn’t do anything wrong. “I’m messed up and I’m not ready for anything serious, but if I just wanted sex, I _can_ actually find other guys. I _can_ use google. Hanging out with you is scarier than just finding some other guy to hang out with, but I keep doing it anyway because I like you. I can’t give you anything more than that, but I guess you should know that.”

TK can’t look at him. It’s barely anything. Paul was right because, what he said is just the absolute bare minimum, but it still leaves his heart pounding and his hand clutching Carlos’s hand so hard that he’s not sure Carlos could let go if he tried. A few months ago, he asked someone to marry him and now he’s so scared of rejection that TK can’t tell a guy who has made his intentions clear over and over that he likes him. This is why he can’t tell his dad. Because his dad will ask if he’s ready to handle it if things with Carlos go bad, and TK already knows that’s a hard no. At best, he’ll go straight home and make his dad put him back together.

Carlos’s free hand comes up to the back of his neck, but instead of tilting his head up and making TK look at him the way TK expects, he pulls TK into his chest.

“Thank you for telling me. It’s okay that you’re not ready to make this serious, okay?”

TK nods into his neck.

“You want to go back in and dance?” Carlos asks, but he doesn’t make TK move away.

This is exactly why TK didn’t want to do this.

“Sorry. I kind of brought down the whole mood.”

“No, you didn’t,” Carlos says. “At least not my mood. But if it brought down yours, I can take you home.”

TK takes a deep breath and pulls back.

“No, but it would help if I could at least get a kiss for that. It would really bring my mood back up.”

When Carlos laughs at him, there’s a joy that TK hasn’t seen since the first time they hooked up. Damn Paul and the way he’s always right about literally everything.

“Really?” Carlos gives him a sweet short kiss and pulls back just enough that their lips don’t brush when he asks, “Did that help?”

“Only a little.”

The hand on the back of his neck holds him place as Carlos kisses him again. When Carlos deepens the kiss and pushes his tongue into TK’s mouth, TK doesn’t fight back for control. Instead he relaxes and follows Carlos’s direction as he kisses back. Eventually, Carlos shifts the kiss into something harder and dirtier that makes TK whine when he pulls away.

“Never mind. Take me home, but to your house,” TK says without thinking.

Carlos smiles, leans down to kiss up his neck to just behind his ear, and whispers, “Apparently, you _can_ follow direction when you want to. How about we go back inside and if you’re good, I’ll give you what you want when we’re ready to leave?”

“What counts as being good?”

Carlos presses a kiss to his neck and takes a second to answer. “How about this? Just try to relax and let me make you feel good tonight, and I’ll take care of you, but if you change your mind, I’m not going to get mad, okay?”

It’s ridiculous that Carlos has to give him so many ways to back out, but it’s enough for TK to nod and relax, earning him another long kiss before Carlos pulls back and turns to lead them back into the club by the hand he’s never let go of this entire time.

Carlos pulls them through the crowd until they find Paul. He’s still dancing with the same girl, so he waves them off.

“I’ll keep an eye on him,” Carlos says close to TK’s ear. Paul doesn’t seem concerned but TK nods because he doesn’t want to be a bad friend. Carlos is more responsible than TK is anyway, so TK wraps his arms around Carlos’s neck and lets Carlos pull him close.

They’ve been dancing together all night, but not like this. Not without any space between them. It’s easier to relax and enjoy it than TK expected. He’s not ready to make any long-term declarations. He’s not even sure where he’ll be next month. But he already knows that he can trust Carlos to take care of him for the night. He knows Carlos isn’t going to do anything he doesn’t want.

TK closes his eyes and lets himself forget everyone else in the room. He rests his head on Carlos’s shoulder and breathes him in. Carlos’s hands run over his back and the back of his neck. When he tilts his head up, Carlos is there to meet him with as many kisses as he wants. The more he lets go, the more Carlos pushes things. His hands drift to TK’s ass and hold him close as their dance gets dirtier and leaves TK so desperate that he whines when Carlos tries to pull away.

Carlos chuckles but he keeps TK close as he talks to Paul about Paul going to get food with the girl he’s been dancing with.

“You should take him home now before you have to carry him out of here,” Paul says. TK flips him off without moving from were his face is hidden in Carlos’s neck, but he can’t help smiling. He brought Paul out because he thought _Paul_ needed to be around more queer people, but it wasn’t just Paul.

“Ready to get out of here?” Carlos asks after Paul is gone.

“Yes. If you try to take me home instead of fucking me, I’m refusing to get out of your car.”

“I _did_ promise to give you what you want.”

***

There’s a part of TK that’s worried Carlos will turn it into something he’s not ready for. He likes Carlos, but the reason he wants it to be desperate and hard and rough is because he can’t handle slow. If Carlos turns it into something sweet and romantic, TK knows it’ll be too much, and he’ll have to push Carlos off and run.

But that doesn’t happen. Maybe Carlos can read him that well already or maybe the reason TK keeps coming back is because he knew Carlos could handle this. He knew Carlos could get him whimpering and whining and so gone with lust that his brain stops thinking about anything else. Carlos is still sweet. Of course, he is. For someone who is all muscle and control, he’s also the sweetest and most gentle man TK’s ever been with. His hand is firm when he holds TK down so he can get a condom and lube out of the bedside table, but his thumb brushes back and forth to sooth him at the same time.

It should terrify him to let go so much and let himself get so desperate for Carlos’s touch. It probably will terrify him as soon as his brain turns on enough for him to think about it. But while Carlos is there, pushing inside him, it’s impossible to feel anything but amazing and safe.

“I’ve got you. Just let go and let me make you feel good,” Carlos says, and TK does exactly that. He stops thinking and lets himself moan and whine and push back against Carlos’s hands and lips.

It’s hard, rough, and so amazing that TK comes long before he expected.

“Don’t stop,” TK gasps out when Carlos pauses. It’s sweet. He knows some guys are too sensitive to be fucked after they come. But TK isn’t ready for it to end. He doesn’t want it to end until he’s too fucked out to worry about anything. “I want it. Keep going.”

Carlos doesn’t question him. He just lowers himself closer, kissing and nipping at TK’s neck as he fucks TK until he can’t move. TK whines when Carlos pulls out. He’s worn out and sore in the best way. He sighs as he stretches out his legs and his hips complain.

“Oh my god. I’m never moving again. If you don’t want me roll over and make a mess, you have to do something about it yourself,” TK says it without thinking, but before the pang of a fear that pops into his chest settles, Carlos smiles and kisses him softly. TK closes his eyes and lets himself relax while Carlos gets up. He’s only gone a few seconds before TK’s chest and stomach are being gently wiped off. Then Carlos is in bed and pulling the sheet over them, so TK gives into what he wants and cuddles up on his chest.

“Feel better?” Carlos asks as his arm comes up to hold TK close.

TK nods. This is why he wanted Carlos to fuck him hard enough and long enough that he couldn’t move or think about how much he should freak out.

“I’m not going to say it was worth the wait because then you might make me wait forever to get fucked like that again.”

“I don’t think it’s going to be that hard to talk me into it.” Carlos kisses his forehead and his fingers brush over TK’s cheek. It’s almost too much how good it feels. TK turns to face away from him, but he pulls Carlos with him. He doesn’t realize he was afraid of rejection until Carlos shifts and settles, letting TK keep hold of his hand so that Carlos is holding him tightly. He kisses TK’s shoulder and nuzzles him gently, and TK sighs with relief. Alex wasn’t a complete dick until the end. He’d always hold TK for a while, but he couldn’t sleep like that. It wasn’t his fault, but TK knows that he’s wanted this more than anything. Carlos held him until he fell asleep last time he came over, but that was after TK had a total breakdown. Carlos is sweet enough to do that even if he didn’t want to. But Carlos doesn’t seem like he minds at all, so TK snuggles closer, pulls their hands to his chest, and lets himself rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TK’s thoughts when Carlos kisses him outside the firehouse:** Wow, if I knew he’d get like this again just by getting little jealous, I might have done it on purpose.  
>  **Carlos’s thoughts:** Finally he looks happy enough that I’m not too worried about how he’s feeling to do all these things I really want to do again.
> 
> Also, TK and Paul totally fell asleep together on the bed like that. It was very cute and they only didn't get made fun of because everyone felt bad about what happened to Paul.
> 
> Also, yes, I did finish the first draft of this last night. I separated it into chapters this morning so I could have a chapter count for this. I know I guesstimated on tumblr that it would be 10 chapters, but I was wrong. There are a couple really short chapters so I’ll probably post them very close together.


	7. Chapter 7

Carlos is still holding him when TK wakes up. It’s more than he expects, but it’s nice because they’re not at the point where he’d risk waking Carlos up by pushing into his arms when he wakes up and wants to be held again. TK closes his eyes and lets himself enjoy it. He can’t do this too often or it will get too serious, but he’s going to enjoy it now. He feels it when Carlos wakes up and shifts. Maybe he shouldn’t be surprised when Carlos cuddles closer to him, but he is, so he takes Carlos’s hand and snuggles back before he can think about it.

“Good morning.” Carlos kisses the back of his neck and his shoulders. TK can’t let them stay like this or he’s never going to leave.

It helps that he’s hungry.

“So do I get breakfast?”

Carlos laughs. He nuzzles the back of TK’s neck, and TK _wants_.

“I cook for you a couple times and you’re already spoiled?”

TK’s able to keep himself from panicking that Carlos is already tired of him because Carlos follows the comment with more soft kisses down the side of his neck. When his therapist asks why he told her that he was sure that he wasn’t ready to date again and then did it anyway, he’s going to just show her a picture of Carlos and his _arms_. How is he supposed to not indulge in how safe it feels to have Carlos’s arms around him?

“I’m an only child of divorced parents. I spoil very easily. I’m warning you now.” At least when Carlos gets tired of it later, TK can say that he was warned.

“I’m not complaining.” Carlos says before moving away from him and getting up. “Do you want your coffee in bed or are you going to get in my way while I’m making you breakfast?”

***

 **👨👦Dad 🚒:** You’re still at Paul’s?

*

 **TK:** I might have told my dad that I crashed at your apartment. Can you not say anything to contradict that?  
**Paul 🕵️:** Are you 16?  
**TK:** I know, I know. It’s just weird. It felt easier to live with him when I moved in case Austin sucked and I wanted to just go back to NYC. But now I don’t want to deal with his questions yet. Or Judd. Seriously.  
**Paul 🕵️:** What are the chances that he directly asks me?  
**TK:** He won’t. Just try not to mention that I’m not with you.  
**Paul 🕵️:** Okay. Text me when you go home so I know when I’m officially not with you.  
**TK:** Thanks.

*

 **TK:** We slept late and we’re eating. Then I’ll be home. Please don’t ask him if I drank. I swear I didn’t. I said I just wanted to be sober because he deserved to drink and not worry about stuff. I don’t want everyone to know.  
**👨👦Dad 🚒:** I know. I won’t do that. I just wanted to check in.  
**TK:** Thanks.  
**👨👦Dad 🚒:** I know you need to be able to have friends and spend time with them. I don’t want you to feel like you’re not an adult. I just also need to know you’re okay.  
**TK:** I’m okay. I promise.

***

TK’s saved from having to make excuses to go home when Carlos mentions going to see Michelle while they’re eating breakfast.

“How’s she doing?” TK asks.

“Bored. Annoyed that she’s trapped in the hospital and can’t figure out how to kick out her mom. She’s going to be okay though,” Carlos pauses and looks at him when he adds, “Thanks again for texting me that she was in the hospital.”

“You already thanked me when I did it.”

“I know, but she can be bad about stuff like that. If you hadn’t asked her if you could text me, I probably wouldn’t have found out until she was out.”

***

TK’s not sure how much of a third degree he’s going to get from his dad. He didn’t do anything wrong, but he knows he’s walking a line with Carlos. It would be one thing if he could truly say he was just hooking up with a random guy here and there.

TK's dad has never shamed him for his sex life. But he might worry about TK dating for the same reason TK’s worried about it. People who don’t know as much about how he deals with things would probably think hooking up is worse, but it wouldn’t have the same danger of making TK crash. What would he have done if Carlos hadn’t been so perfect in the morning? TK knows he’s dangling at the point in their relationship where if Carlos leaves him, he’s not going to take it well. That’s the problem. TK’s stable enough to hookup. The problem is that he can’t be sure it’s going to work out, and he’s probably not stable enough to be okay with getting dumped if he gets attached. He already had one breakdown on Carlos, and he’s not sure that he wouldn’t have relapsed if Carlos had handled it badly. Carlos thinks he can handle TK’s issues, but that’s not the point. The point is that the possible consequences just aren’t worth the risk. Of course, it’s not the first time TK’s taken a risk even when he knew the consequences weren’t worth it.

Plus, there’s still the possibility that TK will be the one to break Carlos’s heart if he wants to go back to New York once his dad calms down.

His dad’s in a better mood than he expected when he gets back. He studies TK for a minute, but TK knows that he doesn’t look hungover, and he slept amazingly wrapped up in Carlos’s arms, so he’s not surprised that he seems to pass inspection.

“I like Paul,” his dad says after he lets TK go.

It takes a few seconds for TK to realize the implication.

“Dad, I’m not dating Paul. He’s straight. You know that.”

Owen nods, but there’s something in the way he pauses that reminds TK of when he was a teenager. TK’s going to have to be more careful if he doesn’t want the third degree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TK:** Thank god my dad didn’t freak out about me not coming home.  
>  **Owen:** Thank god TK slept late and I didn’t have to rush Zoe out.
> 
> Also, I've been having fun answering writing questions on my tumblr if anyone wants to hop over there. <3
> 
> I know this chapter is short so I'll probably post the next chapter soon, but the fandom seems so dead right now that I've felt like maybe I should wait it out a little.


	8. Chapter 8

Carlos brings another bag with him to the hospital. Michelle might say she doesn’t need him to visit because she’s blaming herself for losing a patient, but she’s not going to eat hospital food if she doesn’t have to.

“Mom, let me have Carlos to myself. I’m already going to have to pry information about his date out of him.”

Her mother sighs but she takes the food Carlos brought for her and goes.

Michelle moves to the edge of the bed so he can sit down.

“It wasn’t a date. Paul was there.”

“Uh huh. And so nothing happened?”

Carlos can’t keep the smile off his face. As much as he’s trying not to get his hopes up, he can’t help it. Maybe TK won’t commit to anything, but he’s interested.

“That doesn’t look like nothing. Come on. Tell me what that smile’s about.”

Michelle pulls on his arm until he kicks off his shoes and lies down on his side next to her.

“He still says he can’t commit to anything. I don’t know what his ex did, but it was bad, and it messed him up a lot.” He knows that it was probably the catalyst for TK’s relapse and that makes him hate the guy already.

Something crosses over Michelle’s face.

“You know something.”

“Marjan told me something that he told some of the guys. He didn’t make it sound like a secret, but he probably didn’t think about it getting back to you,” Michelle says. “Honestly, I know you also know something that I don’t because I just know why they broke up.”

Carlos nods. He knows it about TK’s relapse, as far as he can tell, no one else in Austin except his father knows about that. “Don’t tell me about his breakup. Let him tell me when he wants to.”

“Don’t get sad. You were happy. Tell me why you were happy.”

“He said he likes me.” Carlos knows his smile is stupid for what he’s saying. He sounds like one of his students.

“Is that something we didn’t know?”

“I knew he wanted to have sex with me. I guess I wasn’t sure he had _any_ feelings besides that. I could tell it was hard for him to tell me,” Carlos explains. “So I guess it means something that he wanted me to know enough that he said it anyway.”

“I _do_ like him,” Michelle says. “He’s sweet and he really cares about the people he’s helping. It’s hard sometimes to not shut down and not see the people you’re helping. But he never does that. He interacts with patients in a way I don’t see very often.”

“I feel like there’s a _but_ coming up.”

“You know he’s not ready. He’s told you that. I just want you to be careful.”

“I thought you were the one encouraging me to just go slow.” Carlos very much remembers that conversation.

“That was before I realized how fast you were falling for him. This boy just now told you that he likes you, and you have a look on your face that I haven’t seen in years.”

“I know,” Carlos says and even now, he can’t help smiling when he thinks about how well the night and even the morning went.

“You slept with him again. I could tell as soon as I asked if anything happened.”

“He stayed,” Carlos says. “And he didn’t just stay the night and run out in the morning. We had breakfast, and I drove him home and kissed him goodbye.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to bring you down,” Michelle says as she reaches over to rub his arm.

“I know he hasn’t told his dad about me.” It’s the one thing about the morning that wasn’t perfect. TK asked to be let out on the sidewalk instead of his driveway.

“I know,” Michelle says. “But to honest, there could be a lot of reasons. You know his dad turned down the job? Turned it down completely and then called the next day and said he’d come but he wanted to bring TK with him. I like Captain Strand, but he could have something going on that TK’s protecting. Has TK given you any explanation for why he’s hiding you?”

“He says he decided to live with his dad while he got to know the city and it’s kind of weird to think about his dad knowing when he’s hooking up.”

“That could be all it is,” Michelle but he can see the doubt. “But I did mean what I said the first time. We both know different things we’re not saying because we know TK’s breakup was bad. It’s easy to see how close they are. Maybe TK’s not the only person who thinks he isn’t ready to be dating again.”

It makes sense. It’s not like Carlos wants to tell his parents that he’s casually seeing this guy, and he has no idea what’s going on. He’s definitely not telling his parents he had sex last night. But he’d never move back in with them again either. He can’t imagine relocating across the country with them or even working at the same place.

Carlos feels his phone vibrate and pulls it out.

 **TK:** So…if I want to see you again and I work on Saturday, do I need to request Friday in advance? Are weekdays always out?  
**Carlos:** I’m free Friday evening. Weekdays are mostly out until the end of May, but if something’s wrong, don’t feel like you have to wait until Friday.  
**TK:** You’re too nice. You know that right?  
**Carlos:** I’ve made 2 children cry if that makes you feel better.  
**TK:** They probably deserved it.

“Sorry,” Carlos says but Michelle just shakes her head.

“Don’t be. It’s good to see you smile. It’s hard for me to be tough on him when he makes you that happy.”

“He wants to see me on Friday. And he asked more than a few hours in advance.” Of course, it might just be because he wants sex, but TK’s right. He could get it from someone else if he wanted. It’s something that he’s making a date.

***

 **TK:** I’ve been informed that I have big muscles.  
**Carlos:** Oh really?  
**TK:** Well I did lift this person off the top of a car and carry them to safety.  
**Carlos:** Are you trying to make me jealous?  
**TK:** lol. Are you going to get that jealous of an 11-year-old girl?  
**Carlos:** Now that’s just adorable.  
**TK:** I’d say I try, but it just comes naturally.

***

 **Carlos:** [picture message]  
**Carlos:** I need an EMT  
**TK:** What happened? Also, I actually have paramedic training.  
**Carlos:** Noted. One of my kids had a serious melt down. He’s going through something. He threw a book at my face. It’s that kind of week.  
**TK:** I’m sorry. I will kiss it better on Friday?  
**Carlos:** I think that’ll fix it.  
**Carlos:** Don’t tell Michelle I asked you instead. She’ll be jealous.

***

 **Carlos:** I feel like I should know the answer to this, but I have enough energy to put my energy into sex or into the rest of the date but maybe not both. I’m going to be asleep by ten. I’m sorry. The kids are feeling that it’s almost summer and they hate me.  
**TK:** Are you okay? I’m sure they don’t hate you. That’s impossible.  
**TK:** Am I being an asshole if I go with the obvious choice?  
**Carlos:** I’m ok. They just celebrated Friday extra hard by ignoring almost everything I said. And the whole week was rough before this.  
**TK:** I’m sorry. That was definitely me as a kid. Lol.  
**Carlos:** I’m not surprised.  
**Carlos:** And if I didn’t like that choice, I wouldn’t offer it. I feel I’m letting you down, but I want you in my bed.  
**TK:** You’re not letting me down. That’s exactly where I want to be.

***

Carlos is exhausted. But not so exhausted that he doesn’t want to use the last of his energy with TK. Before TK, he’d gotten used to not having sex regularly. Teaching took too much energy and after a while he didn’t notice. But thinking about having TK under him again was the only thing that got him through the week. Of course, he can admit that his favorite part of the evening was when TK held his face and gently kissed the yellowing bruise above his eyebrow. Michelle’s right. He’s completely failing at controlling his feelings even though he knows TK might not be ready to commit for a long time.

“I shouldn’t spend the night,” TK says after he’s lying on Carlos’s chest. “I’m sorry. My dad has a treatment in the morning and then Mateo has his test.”

“It’s okay.” It’s hard to not be disappointed because all he’s thought about was curling up with TK and waking up with him in the morning. But it’s a good reason. Even if they were in a relationship, it would make sense.

“I’ll stay until you fall asleep if you want.”

Carlos should probably brush him off. It’s not a causal thing to ask for. But TK offered and he _wants._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone notices that the chapter count changed, I didn't really add a full chapter. I tried to add in a little more Judd to chapter 9 and it didn't fit but while I was there, TK talked me into adding a different scene. Then it worked better to divide it in half. I did start the sequel already!


	9. Chapter 9

**TK:** I never want to hear anyone in your state talk shit about people in NYC being crazy again. Who releases a bull into a crowd of people? What the fuck?  
**Carlos:** I’m not going to even try to defend that. If you’re texting me, then you’re okay, right?  
**TK:** Yeah. I’m okay. My dad tamed the bull. He’s adapting too well to this stuff.  
**Carlos:** Did you let Judd take you horseback riding yet?  
**TK:** No. I told him that’s not the kind of riding I want to do this weekend and he got embarrassed and stopped asking. 🤣  
**Carlos:** You’re such brat.  
**TK:** You like it. 😏

***

 **TK:** I don’t know if I can come over Saturday. I’m sorry.  
**Carlos:** It’s okay. Are you okay?  
**TK:** This other captain told the deputy fire chief about my dad having cancer because he wants the 126 for himself. And my dad is an idiot and said he can pass the physical test they make guys take when they start. He had to tell everyone at the house that he has cancer and they’re worried he won’t pass. Everything is a mess.  
**Carlos:** Can he pass?  
**TK:** I don’t think so. He shouldn’t have to. He’s captain. He already does more of the hard stuff than he has to. But he thinks no one will respect him if he doesn’t do this. Don’t tell anyone else, but this test was his stupid idea.  
**Carlos:** What happens if he fails?  
**TK:** He has to go on leave. They can’t straight-up fire any of us because we have a union, but I think this guy said something about wanting a lot of the more “diverse” hires gone because my dad won’t answer me. He just keeps saying he’ll pass and it’ll be ok.  
**Carlos:** You know if you need anything, I can make time for you during the week right?  
**TK:** I know. But I just need to be with my dad. I’ll text you. Thanks for always listening.  
**Carlos:** You don’t have to thank me for that.

***

 **Michelle:** Did you already know about the captain?  
**Carlos:** The cancer? Yeah. I’ve known since TK found out. I couldn’t tell you.  
**Michelle:** I know. I’m not mad. It’s good that he told you. It must have been hard on both of them.  
**Carlos:** It is. This whole thing with the old captain isn’t helping either.  
**Michelle:** I know. I’m fine. I wasn’t even really Owen’s hire because I was in line for it and he just didn’t object. But I can’t imagine he’ll like having Owen’s son around and I don’t know how TK could work for him after this.  
**Carlos:** I know. TK says his dad’s determined to stay, but…  
**Michelle:** Wait. You’re worried they’ll go back to New York?  
**Carlos:** Maybe…TK doesn’t love it here anyway.  
**Michelle:** I’m sorry. Try not to focus too much on it now.  
**Carlos:** I’m just trying to be there for him…without getting weird and making it obvious that I’m scared he’s going to leave.

***

 **TK:** So…can I ask you a question?  
**Carlos:** You can always ask me questions.  
**TK:** Okay, but I’m afraid you’ll take this the wrong way.  
**Carlos:** I’ll give you time to explain if that happens.  
**TK:** Ok…  
**TK:** So, are booty calls completely off the menu? Because I wish I had time for more but the only time I have is Wednesday night. And that’s a school night for you and I can’t spend the night anyway. But it’s not because I don’t *want* to not spend the night or have a real date. But I’m not going to get mad if you say no.  
**Carlos:** I’m not saying no. But how much time do you have? Because there’s a difference between not having time for a real date like last time I saw you, and running out as soon as you can stand.  
**TK:** I’m sorry I did that. That was a dick thing to do. I have a couple hours, so unless you want to tease me so much that I have to run out….which honestly I would not be able to object to but also it would be a problem later because I would not leave if you did that.  
**Carlos:** I will save that information for later then. What time do you need to leave by so I can finish my work before you get here? Because you can leave, but I’m not getting back out of bed.  
**TK:** I need to leave by 9:30 so probably 7:30ish? I might run a little late.  
**Carlos:** Works for me.

***

 **TK:** …I really don’t usually run out after sex like I did that night. I’m sorry. I don’t know if you want an explanation, but I can give you one if you want it.  
**Carlos:** I want to listen if you want to talk about it, but you don’t have to. But if I did something wrong, let me know so I don’t do it again.  
**TK:** You didn’t do anything wrong. You know that really bad break up I mentioned?  
**Carlos:** Yeah  
**TK:** It was the first time I’d had sex since the break-up. And you were so perfect and so sweet and I just freaked out. And I didn’t know you well enough to freak out to you. I went home and I didn’t tell my dad *why* I was upset, but he knew something was wrong and he’s used to dealing with me when I’m upset. Of course, I had a breakdown on you eventually anyway, so I know you probably would’ve handled it, but I wasn’t ready then.  
**Carlos:** Babe, I’m sorry. You could’ve told me, but I understand why you weren’t ready. It’s ok. I’m sorry I made you feel so bad about it.  
**TK:** No. I was still a dick and I should’ve apologized sooner even if I didn’t explain why it happened.  
**Carlos:** You know you can tell me now if you’re freaking out for any reason, right? Even if it means you just want me to take you home.  
**TK:** I know.  
**Carlos:** Good.  
**TK:** If I don’t want you to take me home?  
**Carlos:** Then I want to help as much as I can.

***

 **TK:** Running a little late. My dad wants to train until he passes out like an idiot.  
**Carlos:** It’s okay.  
**TK:** So if I took some nudes the other day…would you want them?  
**Carlos:** I’m not sending you nudes back.  
**TK:** That’s fine. That’s not a no…😏  
**Carlos:** You’re right. It’s not a no.  
**TK:** I should be out of here soon.  
**TK:** [picture message]

***

Carlos pulls TK into his house by the waist of his shorts and then kisses him while he’s still closing the door. TK gasps in surprise, but he doesn’t hesitate to paw at Carlos’s clothes and kiss back.

“Oh my god,” TK says with a moan as Carlos kisses and bites down his neck. “I’m going to send you nudes more often.”

Carlos can’t pretend he has a problem with that even if he’s not going to return the favor. Right now, he’s going to get his hands on that ass that TK is way too good at photographing. He gets his fingers in TK’s mouth while he opens TK’s pants, and TK sucks on them without being asked. Saliva isn’t enough to really work him open, but it’s enough for Carlos to shove his hand down the back of TK’s underwear and work in the tip of his finger with so little warning that TK whimpers, hiding his face in Carlos’s neck and shaking like he can’t decide between pushing forward into the thigh between his legs or back onto his finger. Carlos can’t pretend he didn’t enjoy the pictures. But he also knows TK didn’t take them right before he asked Carlos for permission to send them—which means that maybe TK didn’t take them for Carlos specifically. There’s nothing Carlos can do or say about that, but he can make sure that TK gets exactly what he needs so that maybe he won’t bother looking anywhere else.

Carlos might not have him figured out completely. There’s still a lot of blanks in the fragile, scared parts that TK’s slowly letting Carlos see. But _this_? Well, Carlos has this part of their relationship mostly figured out.

TK is shaking and completely naked by the time Carlos gets him on the bed. He whines in a way that makes Carlos keep a hand on his chest even if it makes pushing off his pants more awkward.

“Hey. I’m right here. I’ve got you,” Carlos sooths as he climbs on top of him and pushes him into the mattress. He didn’t mean to make TK quite this desperate this quickly. He’s determined not to explore dominance and submission until he’s sure TK will let him help if something goes wrong. TK’s pushing back enough that Carlos doesn’t think he’ll go into subspace unless Carlos pushes it, but he could still have an emotional drop without that. TK’s obviously not thrilled about Carlos calming things down a little before they continue, but he lets it happen. It’s still hard and fast enough that TK doesn’t complain, and he clings to Carlos after they’ve both come.

“I can set an alarm for you if you want to rest,” Carlos says as he brushes back TK’s hair and kisses his forehead. When he traces his fingers down the side of TK’s face and along his jaw, TK sighs and leans into his touch. TK’s soft smile is enough encouragement for Carlos to continue his soft caresses and light kisses.

“I’m glad you came over. I needed that, too,” Carlos adds because he’s not sure exactly what TK needs for aftercare or if he’s worrying too much, but he knows he brought them close to crossing a line at one point and he wants to do what he can before TK goes home.

“You promise you’ll make me go home at 9:30 if I fall asleep?”

Carlos sets his alarm for 9:20 to account for how long it takes to get TK out of bed when he doesn’t want to get up and then settles in to hold him close until it goes off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this was originally just part of chapter nine and then TK talked me into another sex scene. I did think I originally had too many texts in a row before I let them see each other again, so he got his way.


	10. Chapter 10

**Michelle:** I have news. About Iris. Can you come to the police station with me after work?  
**Carlos:** What? What happened?  
**Michelle:** They IDed the driver of the blue truck.

***

 **Carlos:** They got information about Iris.  
**TK:** What? Seriously? What happened?  
**Carlos:** They IDed the driver of the truck. I’m going to the station with Michelle.  
**TK:** Tell me how it goes.  
**Carlos:** I will.

***

 **Carlos:** The detective is looking into it. That’s it. That’s all. I thought Michelle was going to get herself arrested again.  
**TK:** I’m sorry. Can I do anything?  
**Carlos:** No. Worry about your dad. I know you have a lot going on right now.

***

 **TK:** Michelle told my dad what they found out about the guy who took the truck and the bar fight. Are you okay?  
**Carlos:** I didn’t want to bother you.  
**TK:** So…if I was outside your house, would you be mad?

Carlos doesn’t answer the text. Instead, he just goes to the door and opens it to find TK looking unsure.

“I was worried.” TK says. “I can go if you’re busy, but I asked Michelle if she thought it was a bad idea for me to come over, and she said no, so if she was wrong, it’s her fault. I can only stay a couple hours anyway.”

Carlos pulls him inside and into a hug. He buries his face in TK’s neck and let himself relax in TK’s hold.

“I’m sorry,” TK says. “I know you were hoping to find something out.”

Carlos lets TK take him to the couch so he can curl up with his head in TK’s lap. TK’s hand goes into hair immediately. It’s going to make his curls a mess of frizz, but he doesn’t care because TK’s fingers feel amazing.

“What if I gave up on finding her too soon?” Carlos asks.

“What are you talking about? You didn’t give up.” TK tries to pull Carlos up to look at him, but he doesn’t push when Carlos resists. His free hand just strokes down Carlos’s side.

“ _I did._ I let Michelle keep looking, and I’ve tried to be there and understand. But I’ve wanted to move on. I thought we should move on. And what if I’d tried harder and we could have found her? What if it’s too late now?”

“Hey,” TK says and the way he strokes his fingers down Carlos’s jaw makes Carlos wish that he could keep him. “You’re not a detective. And I can’t imagine what this feels like, but it’s been three years, and this is the most Michelle’s been able to find.”

Carlos nods. He knows it’s true, but he can’t shake the guilt he’s felt since he found out.

“She’d been pulling away from me before she disappeared,” Carlos admits. “I was student teaching and I was busy. She had these new friends and I didn’t have time to go out and drink with them. I thought she was just getting bored of me. I knew her friends weren’t great, but we’d already had so many issues over not liking her boyfriend. I didn’t know any of her new friends were as bad as this guy.”

“I know more than anyone that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want help. It’s not your fault.”

“What if he did something to her and I gave up because she’d been talking about leaving, and I just wanted to believe that’s what she did? What if it’s just too late now and we could’ve found her?” That’s the thing that keeps haunting him. He started pulling away because he was hurt, and she was leaving him, and he just let her.

“Hey,” TK says as he cups Carlos’s cheek and makes Carlos look at him. “If he hurt her, it’s no one’s fault but his. And you don’t know enough to know if there’s anything you could have done, but _I_ happen to know that you don’t just give up on people even if they deserve it. It’s been three years. You’re allowed to move on where you can. Just because you didn’t put your whole life on hold like Michelle, doesn’t mean anything is your fault.”

“Thanks.” Carlos turns his face mostly because he’s losing his battle with controlling his tears. He wipes his eyes before the tears that are threatening to escape succeed. He knows it’s obvious anyway, but TK just lightly brushes his fingers over Carlos’s cheeks to dry them when Carlos pulls his own hands away.

“Do you have more work to do tonight?” TK asks when they’ve sat in silence for long enough that he must have given up on Carlos having more to share.

“I’m not going to get anything done,” Carlos admits. He has grading, but it can wait at least a day.

“Why don’t you get ready for bed, and I’ll lay down with you?”

Carlos nods. He’s exhausted, but he’s been dreading lying alone in the dark with his thoughts. It’ll be better with TK there.

He doesn’t think he’ll be able to sleep, but TK kisses his face sweetly and rubs light patterns in his back. TK’s gone when Carlos’s jolts awake from his alarm in the morning, but there’s a note with a single sloppy heart on the nightstand. Carlos puts it in his wallet.

***

 **TK:** Want some good news? I should probably feel guilty about calling this good news, but I’m not a good person, so I don’t.  
**Carlos:** Yes, I want good news. Also, you’re not a bad person.  
**TK:** Billy got struck by lightning. That asshole got struck by lightning. Judd’s calling it divine intervention.  
**Carlos:** Seriously?  
**TK:** My dad was with him for some reason that I don’t understand, but knowing him, he was probably trying to talk him into not being an ass. Anyway, he got struck by lightning and my dad saved him. He’s in the hospital and he’s not dying so I don’t feel bad about thinking he deserved it.  
**Carlos:** I think that’s mostly fair.  
**TK:** My dad’s meeting with the deputy chief soon.  
**Carlos:** Let me know how it goes.

***

 **TK:** All good! Apparently carrying Billy across the golf course and saving his life is enough of a test. Also, it’s not like he can take over for my dad now anyway. So now that drama is just over.  
**Carlos:** Good to hear.

***

Carlos thought watching them pull up the truck was hard enough. It was hard enough that he just took Michelle home with him for the night. He didn’t tell TK because TK was working, and Carlos didn’t want Michelle to be alone anyway.

It’s nothing compared to Michelle identifying Iris’s bracelet. Detective Washington reminds them that nothing is for sure until they get results back on the DNA testing of the remains. But Iris was in the truck. The truck is destroyed, and they found human remains. Carlos holds Michelle in his arms and cries with her. Closure doesn’t feel anything like it’s supposed to.

Michelle has to tell her mom. Carlos needs to let them mourn together.

“I’m not listening to you if you tell me not to tell TK,” Michelle says. “He wanted to be there for you last time. He’s off work. If you don’t at least give him a chance, I’m making you come home with me.”

***

 **Carlos:** They found Iris’s bracelet in the truck with the remains. She’s really gone.  
**TK:** Do you want me to come over? Are you with Michelle?  
**Carlos:** Michelle had to go to her mom.  
**TK:** I’m coming over.

***

“At least we’re even,” Carlos says when he finally stops crying on TK. He hasn’t cried in a long time, but even his father would have allowed him to cry for this.

“We’re really not. That was about one tenth of my breakdown, but if you want to give me that, I’ll take it.” TK kisses his closed eyes gently and walks him to the couch.

“I knew she was probably gone,” Carlos admits with his head on TK’s lap. “But there was always a chance that she just left and that she was out there somewhere, and she just didn’t want to be found. It doesn’t even feel like anything makes sense. All the things that went wrong. Michelle not answering her phone. Everything we considered with Dustin and with this bar fight, but she just got in a car accident. There might have been as many as three other people in the car. Was no one else looking for them? A car accident just seems so anti-climactic and basic.”

TK doesn’t say anything. He just runs his fingers through Carlos’s hair and drapes his arm over Carlos’s chest.

“Can I do anything else to help?”

“Can you stay?”

Carlos doesn’t realize he’s preparing for rejection until TK says, “Yeah. I can stay.”

***

Carlos takes a personal day. He hates to do it, but he can’t do anything positive for his kids when he’s this messed up. Besides, the kids know that none of the work they’re doing in the last week and a half really counts. TK lets him sleep late and cuddle and brings him coffee in bed. Carlos gives up trying not to fall in love with him. He’ll deal with it when everything else doesn’t hurt so much.

“I should at least do the grading I haven’t done,” Carlos says when they’re still in bed at noon and TK hasn’t said anything about having to go home.

“Do you want me to go?” TK asks and Carlos doesn’t have it in him to not tell the truth.

“Not really. But it’s okay if you need to.”

“I don’t need to. What do you have to grade? It’s third grade. I can probably grade things for you if you show me how. In theory, I can handle third grade work.”

“You don’t have to.” Grading is the worst part of teaching. Carlos doesn’t even hate teaching when the kids are all having a bad day the way he hates grading endless work.

“Just give me something with clear answers.”

It doesn’t help Carlos control his feelings when TK orders food and then grades his entire stack of spelling tests and everything that’s multiple choice. He even looks at the stack Carlos already graded and forges his motivational notes.

“Thanks for…everything,” Carlos says when he walks TK to the door. He should offer to drive him home, but TK offered to get a Lyft and Carlos doesn’t want to ruin how great TK’s been by getting upset if TK wants to be dropped off on the sidewalk.

TK kisses him and holds him and then kisses him again before his car gets there and then he’s gone.

***

 **Carlos:** How’re you doing, Chica?  
**Michelle:** Ok. Still at my mom’s, but I think it’ll be good to go back to work tomorrow.  
**Carlos:** Yeah. Me too.  
**Michelle:** TK?  
**Carlos:** Just left. He helped me grade all my papers. I give up. I can’t stop falling for him.  
**Michelle:** Oh sweetheart. We both know that was already happening.  
**Carlos:** I know. I know.

***

Carlos goes with Michelle to listen to the 911 calls Iris made even though it doesn’t matter because they found her blood in the wreckage. All it tells him is that he should’ve tried harder. He should have seen that Iris wasn’t just letting Dustin or her new friends influence her. Something was really wrong and instead of seeing it, he just let her drift away.

“I think,” TK says after Carlos explains everything to him. “I think that you’re hearing the wrong things.”

“What does that mean?”

“I think what you should be hearing through all of that is that she loved you, and her mom, and Michelle. She wanted you to know that. She wanted to protect you. She thought people were after her and she wanted to protect you because she loved you. That’s what you need to hear.”

Carlos is just glad it’s a weekend and he doesn’t have to call in or make himself go to work. Once again, TK doesn’t leave him until the next night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In re-watching the episodes to write this, I know that they didn't deal with Carlos's feelings about Iris because they only had so much time. I have all the time in the world, so I'm going to do it.


	11. Chapter 11

It’s still in the back of his head that TK won’t commit, and he won’t tell his dad about them. But Carlos has to admit that TK has more than proved that he cares even if he hasn’t said it. He even told Carlos that he didn’t think it was a good idea for them to have sex while Carlos was so upset, so he’s definitely not just coming back for sex.

TK sends him pictures of the new dog at the firehouse throughout his next shift. It’s impossible not to smile at TK’s adorable face next to Buttercup. It gets Carlos through the last day few days of school with the kids even though part him still wants to be at home in bed crying over Iris.

And once he goes back to school, it _does_ help to be around the kids again. They drive him crazy, and he’s probably not doing the best job as their teacher, but it’s the last week. Wednesday is taken up with a field day where he ends up with popsicle juice in his hair and stuck to his forehead thanks to Lizzie. He can’t even be mad at her because he also got sweets from her dad after he missed a day. Also, one of the other teachers explained that he’d found out his friend died, and he’d come back to a stack of handmade cards to make him feel better. Kids are better than adults sometimes.

***

 **Carlos:** [picture message]  
**Carlos:** I’m going to have to put trashbags on my seat to not mess up my car.  
**TK:** Should I be concerned? Should I send Michelle? I would come myself but we’re both at work and if you have a headwound she’s going to tell me to get over it because she’s going herself.  
**Carlos:** It’s popsicle juice. Lizzie does not think about how she’s holding a popsicle and what that does to other people.  
**TK:** You know you’re going to miss her.  
**Carlos:** I am. I need a vacation, but I’ll miss most of them.  
**TK:** Think you’ll be in the mood to celebrate the end of the year Saturday night?  
**Carlos:** Yeah. I’m doing better.  
**TK:** Are you alone?  
**Carlos:** Yes?  
**TK:** [picture message]  
**Carlos:** Wow. Aren’t you at work?  
**TK:** I took it earlier. I just got here.  
**Carlos:** I can’t wait to see you.  
**TK:** Go home. I’ll send more. 😏

***

TK’s texts go quiet Friday night, but Carlos doesn’t worry. He knows TK went over his shift, and he probably wanted to sleep as soon as he got home. Carlos still has to come back to school on Monday to close everything down, but he has a date with TK on Saturday and Carlos is determined to make it an actual date. Iris wouldn’t want him to not enjoy himself.

***

 **Michelle:** Are you awake? I’m coming to pick you up.  
**Carlos:** Yes. What’s wrong?  
**Michelle:** Get dressed. I’ll tell you when I get there.

***

Michelle is still wearing her paramedic uniform. There’s a dark patch on her sleeve. Carlos knows she’s skirted the rules before but it’s not like her to be careless with body fluids.

“Chica, what’s wrong?”

“He’s alive. He’s out of surgery. I’m sorry. I couldn’t get away sooner, and I didn’t want you rushing and driving when you wouldn’t be able to see him anyway.”

TK. Something happened to TK. Carlos listens to Michelle’s story while trying not to lose it completely. He just lost Iris. He can’t lose TK, too.

“Carlos. He’s out of surgery. He should be okay,” Michelle says again.

“You said you don’t know if he’ll have brain damage.”

“It doesn’t mean that they think he will. It just means they don’t know. He might be awake by the time we get there. I was right outside, so I got to him in less than a minute. Marjan and Paul were next him. Most people who get shot don’t have two other paramedics standing right next to them and _me_ right outside. His chances are really good.”

It’s not until they get to the hospital that Carlos realizes TK might not want him there. His dad still doesn’t know about them at all.

“Maybe I should just pretend I’m there to support you. At least until we know if he’s woken up,” Carlos says.

“Are you really going to be able to do that?”

“I don’t know.”

Either way, Carlos can’t leave. He needs to see TK and know that he’s alive.

TK’s entire crew looks up when they come in, but only Paul and Marjan seem to look past Michelle and notice him. Paul gets up and comes to them.

“I don’t know if I should even be here,” Carlos admits as soon as Paul has pulled them away from the group. “Is he awake yet?”

“He’s not,” Paul says.

“But he should be,” Carlos fills in.

“It hasn’t been long enough for them to really start worrying,” Paul says. “If you want, I can go in there and tell him you’re here. Might shock him awake.”

Carlos can’t bring himself to laugh.

“He’ll wake up. But he’d want you here. I know he’d want you here.”

Paul seems sure, but the truth is that Carlos knows he can’t leave anyway so it doesn’t matter. Michelle goes with him, but as soon as Owen Strand looks at them, his eyes shift to Carlos, and he must see something because he speaks to Carlos instead of Michelle.

“Carlos, right? Michelle’s friend.”

Carlos nods. They’ve only met once, but Michelle _is_ standing right next to him and that probably helps the captain make the connection.

“Would you like some time with him?”

“I don’t want to impose,” Carlos says, but he can’t help looking past the captain at TK. He’s so still. Carlos has seen him when he’s asleep, but never like this. They’re always wrapped up together in bed.

“No. I think he’d appreciate it,” Owen says as he gets up. “I know I would.”

He claps Carlos on shoulder and the back of his neck as he leaves. Carlos has waited all this time for TK’s father to know about their relationship, but this isn’t how he wanted it to happen. But all he can do is walk slowly to TK’s bedside and sit next to him. When TK doesn’t respond to Carlos holding his hand, Carlos releases it and moves his hand up to clutch at TK’s bicep.

“Hey, sweetheart. I know you might be mad at me because your dad definitely figured out why I’m here, but if you wake up, I’m sure you can still come up with an excuse,” Carlos says as he runs his hand through TK’s hair. “But I’m not a good liar so you’re going to have to wake up and help me out.”

But TK doesn’t wake up.

***

Carlos doesn’t move when the rest of TK’s crew comes in. Judd gives him a bit of a look, but he doesn’t press or ask questions. Eventually, a nurse comes to take TK’s vitals and makes a few of them clear out of the room. Paul wraps his arms around Carlos’s shoulders and tells him to text if he needs anything or there’s any change. Judd’s wife leaves but Judd only stands up to give the nurse room. Carlos gets a text from Michelle that she got a call to help someone at the camp, but she’ll come back to get him. It doesn’t matter. Maybe it’ll give him an excuse to stay longer.

When Owen comes back, Grace hands him a bag before Carlos can get up to give up his seat.

“I only got Judd to go back to the station and change because I told him to pick up your clothes. No one’s letting you sit back down until you get out of that uniform.”

Carlos was definitely going to give up his seat to TK’s dad even if it made him have to stand around awkwardly, and he probably still will if Owen argues, but Owen just takes the bag and disappears into the bathroom. After Owen leaves, Grace gets up from where she’s been sitting half on Judd’s lap and half on the arm of his chair.

“Have you eaten anything?”

It takes a moment for Carlos to realize she’s talking to him, and then he shakes his head.

“Right. You’re gonna come with me and we’ll find you some food.”

Carlos almost argues, but then he realizes that he’s not the only person who might want privacy to talk to TK. If Owen could let him have that, then he can give it to Judd. Whatever problems they had in the beginning, Carlos can tell how much it’s changed from the way TK’s talked about him.

Grace doesn’t make him talk. She just leads the way to the cafeteria like she’s been there plenty of times. Maybe she has. Carlos only knows what he’s heard from Michelle and TK, but he knows Judd was on the call when the rest of his crew died. He survived. That doesn’t mean he walked away and went home the same day. Carlos doesn’t think he can eat, but Grace insists on getting something for Owen and tells him that he needs to eat if he expects Owen to do the same.

When they make it back to the room, Judd stands up to give Carlos his seat and moves to talk to Owen. Carlos doesn’t understand all of the conversation that follows. By now he’s figured out how TK’s shifts usually work. He understands that TK spends twenty-four hours at the house and then gets forty-eight hours off most of the time, but he sometimes works extra hours when other people need time off. Carlos gave up figuring out Owen’s schedule a long time ago. What he _does_ understand is that Judd’s going to back into work to take care of some things so that Owen doesn’t have to. Either way, Judd only gives him a nod before he’s left alone with TK’s dad again.

“I’m not going to ask what’s going on with you two,” Owen says after Judd and his wife are gone. “He can tell me himself when he wakes up.”

Carlos nods. If Owen asks, he’ll tell the truth. He doesn’t know what he is to TK. He just knows what TK is to him. But he’d also prefer to confess his love to TK before he tells TK’s father about it. Maybe it’s because they’re both tired, but the silence that follows isn’t awkward. They both have phones to occupy them and it’s obvious that neither of them wants to leave. Carlos probably shouldn’t be surprised when Michelle comes back, but when she texted him that she had to go to the homeless camp, he kind of forgot about her a few minutes later. His brain and heart only seem to have space for TK.

“I’m taking you home to sleep,” Michelle tells him. “You can’t both sleep here tonight, and one of you needs get some real rest.”

Carlos wants to argue, but it’s not like he can tell Owen to leave. He’s not even sure that TK will want him here.

“I’ll give you few minutes,” Owen says and that settles it.

Carlos stands up so he can go to the other side of the bed with less machines. He runs his hand through TK’s hair and cups his cheek. It hurts that TK doesn’t lean into his hand. If someone asked Carlos to guess TK’s preferred love languages, he’d say all of them, but also, definitely touch. Carlos isn’t sure how special his own touch is to TK, but it’s always been obvious that TK wants to be touched. He holds Carlos’s hand; he pushes his way into Carlos’s space.

“I’ll be back in the morning, cariño. I’ll make you whatever you want for breakfast if you just wake up for me. You can be mad about your dad knowing if you need to. Just come back.” Carlos glances back to make sure they’re still alone before kissing his forehead and whispering in his ear. “Te amo.”

He’s been holding back from saying it because it seems unfair to push his feelings on TK before he’s ready to hear them. But it’s harmless now because TK doesn’t react at all.

Carlos is sitting down and holding TK’s arm again when they come back.

“I’m not going to keep you away unless he wakes up and tells me to,” Owen says. “You can come back in the morning if you want.”

“Can you text me?” Carlos asks even though maybe he shouldn’t. “If there’s any change.”

Owen nods and takes his phone number. Michelle still has to take his hand and pull him from the room.

“I love him,” Carlos says after he’s showered and in bed with Michelle with the lights off.

“I know. I hope you didn’t just figure that out because I’ve known for a while.”

“I knew,” Carlos admits.

***

Owen’s awake when they get to the hospital in the morning. If Michelle tries to make him leave tonight but Owen doesn’t, then Carlos isn’t going to leave either. Maybe his bed is more comfortable, but he’ll sleep better close to TK.

Owen thanks them for the breakfast they brought in, and then Michelle leaves. She has her own duties at work to worry about. At least Carlos is finished for the year. He’s supposed to go to school to finish cleaning his classroom for the summer on Monday, but maybe TK will be awake before then.

Paul, Marjan, and Mateo come in to visit first. Carlos gets up and stands because it just seems rude to not let any of them near TK.

“You gotta wake up, man,” Mateo tells TK. “Judd’s in charge and you don’t even have to deal with it.”

Marjan elbows him. “We haven’t gone to work again. We don’t know what he’s even like as a boss.”

Mateo scoffs.

“You doing okay?” Paul asks while they’re bickering.

Carlos shrugs. He’s not okay, but the only thing that will help is TK deciding to wake up.

“Are you going to admit you’re in love with him when he wakes up?” Paul asks.

Carlos just looks at him.

“So that’s a no?”

When Carlos doesn’t answer Paul shakes his head. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell him for you.”

***

Judd comes in with food at lunch and Carlos is surprised when he’s handed his own container. They’ve brought in another chair at least, so Carlos gets to eat his lunch next to TK while Owen and Judd talk business in the corner of the room. Carlos hears enough to understand that Captain Strand isn’t planning to go to work as long as TK is in the hospital. Judd stops by TK’s bed on the way out. His lips move but he keeps his words to himself. Then he surprises Carlos by clapping his hand on Carlos’s shoulder as he leaves.

Owen turns on the TV to pass the time. The Rangers are playing the Yankees. Owen tells TK to wake up so Carlos is outnumbered. Grace brings them dinner. Everything just feels pointless and insignificant.

When Michelle shows up after Grace leaves, Carlos is prepared to argue, but she tells Owen that the nurses would appreciate it if he’d shower.

“Carlos can handle it if he wakes up,” Michelle says. It’s a lot for her to promise. But he handled it when TK found out that about Owen’s cancer, so maybe it’s fair. He also promises to call Owen if TK wakes up.

Carlos takes the better chair and gives into the urge he’s been fighting to touch TK.

“Baby, you have to wake up. I just lost Iris. I can’t lose you too. Not like this. I can’t handle it.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I wanted to randomly put some Owen point of view in here.

Owen’s only gone for three hours. He can’t sleep at home. Not yet. Maybe TK won’t mind waking up to find Carlos Reyes next to his bed instead, and Owen meant it when he told TK that he’d understand if he woke up for Carlos instead, but he still can’t stay away.

He also meant what he said to Carlos. TK scares him, but he always comes back. If he’s made it this far, he’s going to wake up. Maybe he’s just waiting out some of the healing so that he doesn’t have to deal with the drugs they’ve had to give him.

When Owen gets back to the room, Carlos is asleep with his head on the bed. One of his arms is wrapped around TK’s waist and the other is reaching up so he can tangle his fingers in TK’s hair.

“You’re vouching for him? You think TK would be okay with this?” Owen asks Michelle.

“I do, but I know Paul’s seen them together more than me. You can ask him.”

Owen takes a picture and sends it to Paul. TK will probably like it to have it when he wakes up anyway—as long as doesn’t get upset that Owen let the man stay with him.

 **Owen:** You sure TK would be okay with this? I still want to wait to talk to him to find out what’s been going on, but I don’t want him to wake up and be upset I let this happen.  
**Paul:** I think he’ll be okay with it from everything I know.  
**Owen:** Thanks.

Owen knows his son has always loved physical affection. He was the sweetest child. He always wanted to cuddle with his parents and his friends. Even if his relationship with Carlos isn’t serious, Owen can’t imagine he’ll really mind. Though from the way Carlos looks at his son, it’s serious from at least one side.

Owen sits in the other chair, pulls up a podcast on his phone, puts in his AirPods, and lets Carlos sleep. The man looked exhausted in the morning, and Owen’s already watched him drink two cups of coffee. It’s almost three hours before Carlos sits up with a groan and rubs the back of his neck.

“Yeah. My neck still hurts from last night.”

Any other day, it would be amusing to watch the way the man jumps away from his son over something so tame.

“It’s okay,” Owen tells him because he’s already having a hard time being neutral in his opinion of the man. “I didn’t expect you to keep your distance. Though I’m assuming you know that if he wakes up and tells me that was the wrong decision, you’re going to have a lot of explaining to do.”

“No. I…I’m sure he’d be okay with it.” Carlos looks down at TK with the kind of look on his face that Owen’s always thought TK deserved.

“Whatever you’ve been to him, did you know he wasn’t telling me about it?” Owen asks.

Carlos keeps looking at TK, but he nods.

“But you came to the hospital anyway.”

“I couldn’t stay away,” Carlos says. He glances at Owen and then looks back to TK when he says. “I promise I really don’t think he’ll be upset that I had my arm around him. But he might be mad that you found out.”

“Well, we’ll deal with that when he wakes up.” Owen says because there’s a lot of things he’s not sure about, but he knows he doesn’t want his son seeing someone who _could_ stay away while TK’s in the hospital. It’s one of the things he never liked about Alex. Even if TK was never there for more than a few hours in New York, Alex was always satisfied with a text from TK telling him that it was no big deal and he didn’t have to come.

And the truth is that as much as Owen loves his son, he’s never thought TK had the best taste in men. He’s always minded his own business, because other than the older boy who introduced him to drugs when he was a teenager, Owen’s never thought any of his boyfriends were dangerous or abusive. TK starts out with something fun and they’re always attractive, but Owen’s always felt like his relationships were a matter of whoever he found at the right time. But TK’s a romantic at heart and he always wanted to believe they were the right person. Owen didn’t object to Alex because Alex was one of the better ones. At least he thought so. There was never anything _wrong_ with Alex, Owen just never got a vibe that what they had was more than something convenient. He never felt like Alex was in it for the long term. Turns out that he was right.

But the man in front of him isn’t a club promoter that TK got attached to or a film student who will disappear to LA after graduation. He’s got a look that Owen’s should have known TK would go for, but after that he doesn’t have anything in common with the exciting and charismatic guys that Owen’s met in the past—especially since he walked into the room in the morning wearing glasses with black plastic frames. From what Owen’s been able to find out, Carlos Reyes is a third-grade teacher and the most irresponsible thing he’s ever done is whatever he’s got going on with Owen’s son. All his social media is locked and Owen’s not going to cross the line of asking for Paul’s help to look. He’s not going to invade TK’s privacy when he has no evidence that TK’s done anything wrong.

“Does he drink when he’s with you?” Owen can’t help asking. He doesn’t want to think it, but it’s hard not to when it’s clear that TK’s hidden a relationship that’s more than casual.

“No. Never. He’s always sober,” Carlos says quickly enough that it’s clear he knows exactly why Owen’s asking even though Owen knows that TK hasn’t told any of the crew.

“I don’t keep alcohol at my house anymore,” Carlos adds and that confirms that he at least knows TK is an addict. “I mean, I never drink much anyway.”

Owen can’t help laughing a little. He’s always left interrogating TK’s boyfriends to Gwen. She’s better at it, and Owen figures it’s better to make it so that TK doesn’t hide anything with him. It would figure that the first guy TK has hidden since he was a teenager is stumbling for his approval before he needs to.

“I’m not holding a beer here or there against you,” Owen says. “I just needed to ask. I don’t want to ask anything that TK should be able to tell me himself when he wakes up, but I needed to know that.”

One of the nurses likes Owen enough to bring in a cot, and he almost asks for a second one. But Carlos hasn’t moved more than a foot from TK’s bed since the last time he went to the bathroom.

“If you can sleep like you were, don’t let me stop you,” Owen says as he lies down. “It’s going to be hell on your neck, but I’m not making you go home. They’ll wake us up early when they do rounds, so it’s up to you.”

“I couldn’t sleep at home anyway,” Carlos says. Carlos doesn’t move right away, but even after years of sleeping at the firehouse, Owen can’t fall asleep right away. He’s still awake when he hears Carlos get up to go to the bathroom and come back. There’s a quiet scrape of the chair being moved that makes Owen opens his eyes just enough to see Carlos bend over to kiss TK’s forehead.

“You’ve gotta wake up for us, baby,” Carlos says in a low voice. “You slept through our whole date today. You can be mad at me about your dad finding out. I’ll make you whatever you want for dinner. Lizzie’s dad’s cookbook is coming out next week. You can pick whatever you want me to bake and then do nothing but get in my way. I will spoil you rotten if you can just wake up for us. Or you can tell me that you don’t want to see me again, but you have to wake up for that.”

Owen feels like he’s invading the man’s privacy, but it’s not his fault that Carlos didn’t double check that he was asleep. He lies awake long enough that the room is quiet when he takes a chance and sits up. Carlos is once again bent over TK in a way that can’t be comfortable. He’s cuddled up as close to TK as he can get, and his hand is holding on to TK’s where it’s resting on his waist. Owen’s never liked any of TK’s boyfriends, and he knows it’s probably telling that Carlos hasn’t specified what they are to each other, but it’s proving impossible to not like this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep adding extra scenes in this thing and making it more chapters because then the chapters are too long. I should be done now, because I added to and then split chapter 16 and that's what increased the chapter count. Carlos is annoyed by it because he just wants TK and Iris back already.


	13. Chapter 13

Carlos is woken up at four in the morning when the nurses do rounds. TK moans a little when Carlos moves away from him to give them space and Carlos rushes back, but TK doesn’t wake up. The nurse doesn’t even get mad at Carlos for getting in his way as he explains that it’s normal. He just looks at Carlos with sympathy that says he wishes there was something better to say.

“He did that me a couple times too,” Owen says. “We’re going to have a talk about it when he wakes up.”

Carlos just nods. He doesn’t know how Owen’s staying so positive. Maybe because he’s better at pretending. Maybe because he didn’t lose someone else that he loved just a few weeks ago. Logically, Carlos knows that he lost Iris a long time ago, but even if Carlos thought he’d given up hope, he’s learned that he hadn’t. Now, when he talks to her in his head, he tells her over and over that if she runs into TK up there, she needs to send him back. Maybe everything else changed, but he’s sure she’ll do that. She did it enough times without being asked. Every time she made Carlos go to a party in college, she’d disappear, and some guy would show up and say, “Hey, your friend sent me over.”

“I know I always told you to stop,” Carlos says to her while the nurse writes on TK’s chart. “But if you see him, you’ll know he’s everything I want, so just send him to me.”

***

Carlos goes to get coffee because he can’t fall back asleep. He doesn’t want Owen to change his mind about letting him stay, and he’s sure Owen wants some time alone with his son. He walks outside of the hospital to make himself stay away for a little longer and finds a coffee shop where he can also get something to eat on the way back.

“You know my coffee order?” Owen asks when Carlos hands him the coffee cup.

“I was with him once when he got you coffee,” Carlos explains. It’s possible Carlos paid extra attention on purpose, but in his defense, everything TK ever picked up for Owen was something weird. Carlos likes to cook. He was curious. If it meant that he’d later be able impress TK’s father, that was just a plus. Now, Owen just nods because it’s early, and they’re both worn out.

“Michelle says you’re supposed to work tomorrow,” Owen says after a while.

“The kids are finished, and I turned in my grades already. They’ll let me come in another day.” Carlos says. “I’ll call in the morning.”

“I’ll let you take it up with Michelle,” Owen says with a laugh. “So, third grade, right? Why third grade?”

“I’m certified for elementary. We had to do some observations in all the grades before we narrowed it down. It was kind of…awkward with the older kids in middle school and high school.”

Owen surprises him by laughing and addressing TK, “TK, if don’t want me to tell this story, now would be the time to wake up.”

When TK doesn’t respond Owen sighs and says, “I didn’t think that would work anyway. I was a little too good at teaching him not to be ashamed of himself. But you should know that when he was sixteen, I got called into the office to help explain to him that hitting on the student teacher in his class was not appropriate.”

Carlos groans and says, “Please tell me that he at least listened,” before he can stop to think about how Owen might take it, but Owen just smiles.

“He did. Mostly. He agreed that he didn’t want to make the man uncomfortable or get him arrested. And he could wait two years to try again. Of course, by the time he was eighteen, he was over it. Guess he didn’t grow out of the idea completely,” Owen says with a pointed look.

“Very different circumstances,” Carlos says. He can’t help glancing at TK when he says it.

“He’s hasn’t hidden a guy from me that I know of since he was fifteen,” Owen says. “I had some suspicions that maybe he was seeing someone, but…”

Owen trails off and shrugs likes he’s realized that maybe he shouldn’t tell Carlos that he assumed it wasn’t serious. Or maybe that he assumed it wasn’t just one guy. Carlos doesn’t know that there _aren’t_ other guys. He’s only confident that if there _are_ , then TK wasn’t coming over and helping them grade papers and lying in bed until they fell asleep.

“I don’t know why he didn’t tell you,” Carlos says to fill the silence. “I know you’re purposely not asking, but I don’t know the answer anyway. He made some excuses, but…”

Carlos isn’t sure what he’s expecting Owen to say, but it’s not, “Well, I didn’t tell him that I’ve been seeing someone because I didn’t want him to feel like he should give me space. So it’s possible it’s not for a reason that says anything about his feelings for you.”

***

By the evening, Owen still hasn’t pressed for any details about their relationship, but he has asked Carlos a long list of questions about himself. They’ve covered where he grew up, what his family is like, where he went to college, and most notably, how he met Michelle.

“I worked some extra shifts after she found out about her sister. We’ve each got our own people, but when I’m not there, it’s a bit easier to know she is and vice versa, you know? I wanted to give her some time with her mom,” Owen says and Carlos nods. “When I came home, it didn’t look like TK spent any of that time at home. He said he didn’t want to be alone, so he crashed on Paul’s couch.”

Carlos isn’t sure he should answer. He’s obviously already confirmed that TK’s lied to his father a few times, but they’ve avoided specifics.

“It’s good that you weren’t alone,” Owen says when Carlos doesn’t answer him.

***

Michelle doesn’t agree with his plan to spend a second night at the hospital and call into work.

“I’m off work tomorrow,” she says. “I’ll come with you and help with what I can. You have to go in eventually and you won’t want to do it once he wakes up. Also, it’s your turn to shower.”

Owen gives him some space to say goodbye, and Carlos lets Michelle take him home.

***

Carlos has a text from Owen that there’s no change when he wakes up. At school, he leaves Michelle in his classroom and finds Mr. Henke in the office so that he can sort of explain the situation in case he needs to leave quickly. It feels weird to call TK his boyfriend, but he’s not explaining their weird situation to his boss. The whole day feels like a fog. Several of the other teachers stop by to awkwardly wish TK well. He’s always kept a professional distance at work because he’s never sure who honestly doesn’t have an issue with his sexuality. Maybe he should give more of them a chance next year.

It’s almost time for him to go home when Michelle gets a text and stops packing the box she’s working on.

“TK woke up,” Michelle says.

Carlos looks at his phone, but he’s not surprised to see he doesn’t have any messages. He knew it might happen. Maybe it’s better that he wasn’t there when TK woke up.

“What matters is that he’s okay,” Carlos says. “He’s okay, right?”

“He’s okay. Nancy says that Paul told her they’re running tests. He doesn’t remember anything after going to bed Thursday night, but all his brain function is normal. Everything is good.”

Carlos nods. TK’s awake. He’s okay. Carlos said a million times that it was the only thing that really mattered, and he meant it.

“If it helps, it sounds like Paul told Nancy just to make sure that she told me.”

It just makes Carlos wonder if Paul purposely told Nancy to pass on the information before TK could see Paul and tell him not to.

But TK’s alive. He’s okay. That’s what matters. Michelle gets up and holds him while Carlos tries to get himself back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TK is awake! Don't worry. We'll check on him in the next chapter. <3


	14. Chapter 14

TK knows he shouldn’t be surprised when his dad says, “if you tell me how long you’ve been seeing the teacher.” They had a date on Saturday even if they still avoid the word _date_ , and TK obviously missed it. If Carlos was some random guy, maybe he wouldn’t have found out, but he’s Michelle’s friend, and even though she’s been good about staying out of their relationship, there’s no way she’d let him wonder why TK stood him up. Not that TK _wants_ Carlos to think he’d just stand him up.

“I told him that I’d let him know when you woke up, and I should’ve already done that,” his dad says while TK’s still covering his face. “But you haven’t asked for him, so now I’m wondering if I should’ve let him spend so much time here.”

“He was here?” TK asks even though he knows he shouldn’t be surprised. Carlos has repeatedly gone above and beyond everything TK deserves.

“He barely left,” his dad says. “I didn’t ask him what exactly was going on with you two because I wanted you tell me, but Michelle and Paul vouched for him, and he said that he didn’t think you’d mind that he fell asleep with his arm around you. If that was wrong…”

“No. Dad, no. It’s okay,” TK says, because he wasn’t ready to tell his dad, but if there’s anything he’s sure about, it’s that Carlos wouldn’t do anything TK wouldn’t want.

“But you don’t want me to tell him you’re awake?”

“We’re not boyfriends,” TK says after a minute. “It’s not supposed to be serious like that.”

“Son, I don’t know how to tell you this, but it seemed serious to him.”

TK isn’t ready to answer that, so instead he asks, “How much was he here?”

“It’s easier to tell you when he wasn’t. Michelle brought him Friday night and practically had to drag him out after midnight. He came back in the morning and stayed all of Saturday. Michelle made me go home to shower, and he was asleep when I got back,” his dad opens his phone and shows TK a picture of Carlos asleep with his arms wrapped around TK as best he can. “They brought me a cot, but I don’t think he even wanted one. He went to sleep just like that again after he thought I was asleep. He wanted to sleep here again last night and call into work, but Michelle convinced him that he’d want to be finished for the summer when you woke up.”

“Should I have kicked him out?” his dad asks when TK just keeps looking at the picture instead of answering.

“No. It’s okay,” TK says.

“Should I have not let him sleep like that? I don’t think he touched you more than that—”

TK laughs and shakes his head. “No. Dad. It’s fine. That ship has sailed. And he’s right…I sleep better when I know he’s there.”

“So I should’ve kicked him out sooner so you’d wake up when he was gone too long?”

“Maybe I woke up because you brought a date to my hospital room,” TK says. He sends himself the picture before he gives back his dad’s phone.

“Zoe was being supportive. She was _visiting_. For an appropriate amount of time for how long I’ve been seeing her. _You_ still haven’t cleared up how long you’ve been seeing Carlos, why you didn’t tell me, and why you don’t want me to tell him you’re awake. You’re my kid and I’ll break almost any promise for you, but this one I feel kind of bad about. He brought me coffee and got my coffee order right.”

“You’ve never liked a single guy I dated and all this time, they could’ve just memorized your coffee order?”

“I have always been nice to everyone you’ve brought home.”

TK gives him a look and his father just shrugs.

“Son, it doesn’t really matter what I think. If you don’t want to be with him, then that’s up to you and I’ll support you.”

“It’s not that,” TK says.

“You don’t think you’re ready?”

TK nods.

“Just because he’s a good man doesn’t mean you have to be ready for another relationship.”

“He came to the bar with Michelle that first night we went out,” TK admits. “We danced together.”

“And that was before he came to the station to cook dinner,” his dad sits up straighter as he figures things out. “You’ve been seeing him this whole time? Before you were even three months sober?”

“Not exactly. We hooked up. It was just supposed to be a hook up. When he wanted more, I told him I wasn’t ready, and I couldn’t do it,” TK knows what his dad will say so he quickly adds, “And he accepted that. He did. But I didn’t know anyone else, and he offered to be friends if I wanted.”

“And that’s not what happened? Because I didn’t get the idea that you’re just friends.”

“You’ve met him. I didn’t want to just lose him because I wasn’t ready. He said it was fine, and he’d wait, but how long does a guy like him really wait when I can’t tell him if it’s even worth it?”

TK expects his dad to say something about how he’s always worth it. When that doesn’t happen, TK looks up at him.

“I’m very confused about what’s actually going on,” his dad says. “So you’re not dating him? _Maybe_ you’re sleeping with him? Maybe you’re seeing other guys also, but I can tell you that no one else showed up, and I really doubt he’s seeing anyone else. I did get him to confirm that you were there for him after Iris died, and he spent all that time in the hospital with you. If _you’re_ not seeing anyone else, it sounds like you’re dating him and just not calling it that.”

TK groans and lets his head fall back on the bed. “That’s what Paul says. I’m not seeing anyone else, but I haven’t told him that.”

“So…he’s your boyfriend, but he doesn’t know that?”

TK closes his eyes because he can’t look at his dad when he says, “I came here because you made me, and I knew I needed it. But I don’t know if I want to stay here indefinitely. And I don’t think he wants to move to New York. I can’t be with him if I’m just going to leave. And even without that, what will I do if it doesn’t work? Right now, it’s fine, but if he breaks up with me…”

His dad rubs his leg and asks, “Is calling it something else really going to help? I’m not sure what I would’ve done if you’d told me when it started, because you weren’t ready, and you knew that. But is pushing him away really going to make it easier to deal with it if it works?”

TK squeezes his eyes closed tighter to keep the tears from coming out.

“If it helps, I don’t think he’s going to give up that easily. Anyone that chooses to sleep in that chair just to be close to you isn’t going to just give you up.”

“You’re not mad I didn’t tell you?” TK asks as his dad’s thumb brushes over his knee.

“Can I ask why you didn’t?”

“You would’ve asked if I thought I was really ready to date,” TK says.

“And you knew you weren’t,” his dad fills in.

“I’m not sure that I am now,” TK has to admit.

His dad doesn’t answer, so TK opens his eyes to look at him.

“So you didn’t tell me because you didn’t want me to tell you _no_?” his dad at least laughs at him. “You really need to grow out of that.”

“What would you have done? If I’d told you.”

“I would’ve worried. And probably discouraged you,” his dad admits. “But I wouldn’t have tried to forbid it if you really liked him. I just would’ve wanted to know where you were. We would’ve talked about it. That’s all I want. Just talk to me and we’ll figure this out.”

TK nods. “I know. I guess I knew that. I just didn’t want to deal with it. I was afraid if we talked about it, _I’d_ decide to give him up.”

“Kid, maybe the timing is awful, but if you found a good one, don’t make excuses to mess it up. We can work it out, but it’s up to you. If you’re not ready, then you can tell him that.”

His dad slips his phone into his hands.

“You should at least tell him that you’re awake. Even if you need time. For the record, I think he’ll wait quite a while for you.”

TK unlocks his phone and looks at the picture of Carlos curled around him to sleep. “I don’t deserve him.”

“Well, he thinks you do, and he seemed pretty smart to me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I should make it clear that the beginning of chapter 15 takes place less than two hours after the end of chapter 13 so that people aren't too mad at TK. lol. I'm rushing these chapters out because I hate having Carlos in a sad place. Also, I may without internet for a bit after this week. I will figure out how to make sure this fic gets finished without a big gap but there maybe be a couple weeks gap on the sequel. I'll be available on tumblr because I'll have my phone, but I won't be able to transfer things from my computer to Ao3 for a bit.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I specify that there’s less than 2 hours between TK waking up and the beginning of this chapter just so you all don’t hate him. Lol. I put these chapters out quickly because they're short but I liked the way they're separated.

**TK:** I know you probably heard I woke up by now. I’m sorry I didn’t let my dad text you right away. (He is also sorry.) I’m just having a hard time dealing with everything. And he didn’t want to text you without talking to me and then the doctors had to check on me and that took a while.  
**Carlos:** It’s okay. That makes sense.  
**Carlos:** Are you mad that I was at the hospital and your dad found out?  
**TK:** No. I’m not a total asshole.  
**Carlos:** Can I come see you?  
**TK:** I don’t think I’m ready for that.  
**Carlos:** You know I don’t expect you to be entertaining, right?  
**TK:** I know. I’m sorry. I just need some space. I’m really not upset that you were here. I just need to figure some things out.  
**Carlos:** Okay. I’m here if you need anything. I’m not going anywhere.  
**TK:** You’re too nice. I don’t deserve that.  
**Carlos:** You almost DIED. I think you deserve some time and space to deal with it.  
**TK:** Thanks.

“Don’t be mad at him,” Carlos tells Michelle after he’s sure TK has ended their conversation for now. “He’s never been anything but honest with me. It’s not his fault that I can’t control my feelings.”

“It’s been months,” Michelle says.

“He _did_ almost die.”

Michelle sighs, but she’s not Iris, so she nods and lets it go.

***

 **TK:** Are you awake? I made my dad go home and I can’t sleep.  
**Carlos:** Yeah. I’m awake.  
**TK:** I told my dad it was ok you were here because I sleep better with you holding me and he said maybe he should’ve sent you home so I’d wake up sooner.  
**Carlos:** I would’ve left if I’d thought that would work.  
**TK:** I’m sorry I’m such a mess and I don’t know what I want. If it helps, it’s not about you. It’s other stuff I need to figure out and if I see you, it’s harder to think about that stuff.  
**Carlos:** Don’t worry about me. Just worry about getting enough rest so you can heal.  
**TK:** Okay, but now I’m being an asshole because I asked for space, but I’m texting you because I can’t sleep.  
**Carlos:** I didn’t ask for space, so you can text me if you want. Maybe if it goes on a long time, I’ll tell you it’s too much, but you’re still in the hospital.  
**TK:** Okay. I’m really bad at staying away from you. Obviously.  
**Carlos:** Can I do anything to help you sleep?  
**TK:** They’re being strict with visitors because I’m awake so I don’t think you can come and sleep with me. Also, you should not come out here and ruin your sleep while I’m being like this. Don’t you have work tomorrow?  
**Carlos:** I have to go in, but Michelle helped me do a lot today, so I’m mostly just sitting around and going to a few meetings. It’s the last day. Plus, it’s easier to work tired when I’m not dealing with 15 kids.  
**TK:** I won’t feel so bad about keeping you up then.  
**Carlos:** Don’t feel bad.

TK doesn’t answer him right away, but the dots that keep appearing and disappearing tell him that TK hasn’t fallen asleep.

 **TK:** I’m sorry. I can’t seem to figure out how to say what I want to say.  
 **Carlos:** It’s okay. You should be resting.  
 **TK:** Can you call?

“Hey,” TK says, and Carlos has to catch his breath. He spent so much time scared that he’d never hear TK’s voice again.

“Hey.”

“Can you just talk for a few minutes? Tell me something about the kids or Iris or just something random.”

Carlos can’t help smiling. Maybe TK missed his voice too. “Well, when you wouldn’t wake up, I told Iris that if she ran into you, she better send you back to me.”

“Now I’m sad I don’t have any weird coma dream memories. It’s mostly just blank,” TK says, and Carlos can hear the smile in his voice.

“She used to make me go to parties in college, and I wasn’t good with groups with so many people. She’d find guys she knew I’d be attracted to and send them over.”

“And she had good taste?”

“In looks, yes. In personality, she said it was too hard to figure out and I could sort that out myself.”

TK laughs.

“Maybe,” Carlos continues, “There were all these beautiful gay men waking up from comas across the country until she found you.”

“Well, now I’m concerned I have competition.”

“You don’t,” Carlos says without thinking.

“You don’t either.”

Carlos knew TK probably wasn’t seeing anyone else as much, but it’s more than he suspected.

“Can I ask you to do something stupid?” TK asks after Carlos can’t think of an answer that isn’t just declaring his love.

“Sure.” Knowing TK, it’s probably nothing. TK’s only comfortable asking for things when they’re flirting or in bed. After that, he gets shy about asking for the tiniest things.

“Can you read to me? I don’t care what. It doesn’t have to even be in English. I just want to hear your voice. And you’re probably good at reading out loud, right?”

“I am,” Carlos says as he gets up. He has a box of books that he’s supposed to read over the summer, but he’d rather read something he already knows. “Are you sure you don’t have a preference?”

“I don’t really read much,” TK says. “That’s probably not something I should admit to a teacher. Is that a dealbreaker?”

“If I judged people for not liking to read, I wouldn’t be a good teacher.” Carlos can admit that he _does_ kind of hope to change their minds.

“I don’t want the book you tell everyone is your favorite. Read me something you’re kind of embarrassed you love as much as you do,” TK says. “I promise not to judge you, or make fun of you, or tell anyone.”

“Okay. But if you like it, you have to admit it,” Carlos says as he goes back to the bedroom and pulls a book off the smaller shelf there.

“Is it long? Because I’m hoping to fall asleep.”

“We won’t finish it tonight. It’s okay. Go to sleep. Tell me if it’s keeping you up instead of relaxing you and we can hang up.”

“You’ll finish it later?”

“Of course, whenever you want.” Carlos gives him a few seconds to settle before he starts reading. “ _On the White House roof, tucked into a corner of the Promenade, there’s a bit of loose paneling right on the edge of the Solarium._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, I think chapter 15 is my favorite in this fic.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, really hate that the pleading face emoji does not show up unless you’re on your phone. Because I think TK would use it. So I gave in and used it in this chapter because I couldn’t help it. I noted it in brackets for those reading on the computer and missing out on it.

TK gets woken up by the nurses ridiculously early, but his dad is already back in his room.

“If they’re enforcing visiting hours because I need rest, doesn’t that mean they shouldn’t wake me up so early?” TK asks after they’re gone because he owes them some kind of professional courtesy, so he tries to be a good patient, but he has no such reservations with his dad.

“Go back to sleep.” His dad even tucks him in and smooths back his hair. That’s how TK knows his dad loves him unconditionally. His behavior when TK’s in the hospital for something that isn’t his fault is exactly the same as it was when it was his fault.

“I want to go home and sleep in my own bed. All I’m doing here is lying around. I can lie around at home where there’s less noise and less annoying rules about who can visit me and when. I’ll rest better in my own bed.” TK knows he’s whining, but if anyone is obligated to listen to him whine, it’s the man who made him.

“Any specific visitor you’re wanting?” Owen asks.

TK can’t help smiling.

“I talked to him last night. When I couldn’t sleep,” TK tells him.

“Hum. And how did that go?”

“We didn’t talk about anything important. He says I should worry about resting and getting better, and he’ll be there when I’m ready, but I wanted to hear his voice, so he called and read to me until I was falling asleep,” TK says without opening his eyes. “You met him, right? He’s actually real?”

His dad laughs. TK didn’t realize how much he missed being honest with his dad until he started doing it again.

“Yeah, son. He’s real. And he’s right. You need to rest.”

“Great. You’re ganging up on me already.” TK can’t pretend he hates it.

***

His squad was working when he woke up, but TK reunited with them in their group text. He wasn’t surprised to see that they kept talking in it while he was asleep, and he had days to catch up on. Only Paul texts him outside of it.

 **Paul 🕵️:** How long are you going to torture this man?  
**TK:** It’s complicated.  
**Paul 🕵️:** You have lots of free time because all you do in the group text is complain that you’re bored. Explain to me how it’s complicated.  
**TK:** I can’t.  
**Paul 🕵️:** Yeah. Sure, okay.  
**TK:** Are you really going to be mad at me while I’m in the hospital? 🥺 🥺 [pleading face]  
**Paul 🕵️:** Yep. That face doesn’t work on me. You know who it works on? The damn emoji by itself will work on him. You know that, right?

***

Judd comes to the hospital after his shift even though he should’ve gone home to rest.

“It was quiet last night,” Judd tells him. “Got plenty of sleep already.”

TK doesn’t argue because Judd brought food that’s way better than the hospital food, and he made TK’s dad go home to take a break.

“So, let’s talk about this boyfriend you’ve got. I was waiting for you to tell me, but since the cat’s out of the bag.”

TK groans. It’s everyone’s favorite topic. He has zero regrets about keeping Carlos to himself for so long. The more everyone pries, the more he wants to go back into their bubble. Why can’t his friends be like Michelle and mind their own business?

“Why don’t we start with what I know already?” Judd asks and that just makes TK wish he knew more about what happened while he was in a coma. Surely, Carlos would’ve mentioned if he’d had any long conversations with Judd. TK nods. As interrogation techniques go, it’s not the best route for Judd to take, but TK’s not going to help.

“I know you danced with him at the bar the first night after the station reopened,” Judd says and _that_ makes TK turn to look at him.

“You weren’t even back at work yet.”

“No, I wasn’t, but ten minutes after I walked in that bar, I realized your dad brought in a lot of people that might run into trouble. As Texas goes, Austin’s one of the safest places for you, but it’s still Texas. I was going to keep an eye on you, Paul, and Marjan from the start.”

“You didn’t even like me,” TK points out.

“When it comes to things like that, it doesn’t matter if I like you. Besides, I liked you well enough when Carlos picked you up at the station. If Paul hadn’t gone with you, I would’ve been down there talking to him about how rough he got with you.”

“Oh my god. Please tell me you didn’t say anything to him about that. I will disown you.” Carlos hasn’t said anything, but Carlos has also focused all of their conversations on just telling TK that he needs to worry about getting better.

“I didn’t. You were asleep, and Grace would’ve had something to say about it if I did. Figured I should talk to you about it before I thought about mentioning it to your dad.”

“You’re not saying anything to my dad. Or Carlos. He hasn’t done anything wrong. He’s not ‘rough with me.’ At least not in any way that I don’t want him to be.”

Judd gives him a look.

“Do you really want to have a conversation about my sex life? Who do you think is more uncomfortable with this conversation? Because I’ll tell you exactly how I complain when he doesn’t fuck me hard enough, but I was under impression that you didn’t want those kinds of details.”

 _That_ gets Judd to rub his hand over his face to hide his blush while TK laughs at him. He feels zero guilt. For once, embarrassing Judd with sexual comments is completely Judd’s fault.

“I just want to be sure you’re okay, and he’s treating you right,” Judd says. “You hide stuff, and I don’t know why, and I’m trying to give you time, but you’re like the captain that way—determined to help everyone else but keep your own stuff to yourself. You check on me, you check on Paul and you both say all these things about being in touch with your feelings, but you don’t listen to yourselves.”

“That therapy my dad’s making you do is working too well,” TK says and Judd laughs. “Carlos _does_ treat me well. He does. You don’t have to worry about that.”

“So how come now that you’re awake, he’s not here?”

“It’s my fault. He’s being perfect. Leave him alone.” He doesn’t hate that Carlos came to the hospital, but he could do without the questions.

“Do you want to expand on any of that?”

“Not really,” TK says even though he knows it’s not fair. That’s why he keeps talking before Judd can say anything. “I told him that I need space to figure some things out. I told him not to come even though he wants to. And then I texted him last night anyway and had him call me when I couldn’t sleep. He’s literally just letting me call all the shots. And he’s definitely told Michelle to let me get away with it even though she probably wants to say something to me, so you can’t go and give him a hard time when he’s not letting Michelle do it to me.”

“I’d say he must be crazy about you, but I saw it, so that’s pointless.”

“That’s it?” TK asks when Judd doesn’t keep going.

Judd sighs. Of course, he does. He sighs at TK harder than either of TK’s parents. TK sympathizes with his future children who will have to feel the weight of his sighs every time they make a mistake. It’s not even going to be hard to be the fun uncle.

“I can’t make any judgments about him when no one who knows him will give me a damn bit of information about him. Even the captain’s closed ranks on the subject since you woke up. All I can get out of anyone is that ‘he’s a nice guy.’ I can barely find anything about him online. You know how many ‘Carlos Reyes’s’ there are in this state? You know what Michelle said to me about it?”

TK is usually smarter with his reactions. In his defense, he’s _did_ just wake up from a coma. He can’t help his quick reaction. He doesn’t realize until after he’s said, “What? What did she say?” and Judd grins that he’s made a mistake.

“Not that it really matters,” TK says quickly. “If she wants him to stop seeing me, he’s obviously not listening.”

“Uh huh.” Judd smirks at him.

“I’m in the hospital. You’re not supposed to cause me undue stress,” TK says.

Judd _laughs._ Rude.

“Come on. Answer a couple questions and I’ll tell you.”

“She probably just said she’s not helping you stalk him,” TK says, but when Judd shrugs he groans. “ _One_ question. Because I don’t believe she said enough for two questions. She’s known whatever he’s told her this whole time because she minds her own business and treats me the same at work, so it’s never been a problem. She didn’t say anything that would make him not talk to her anymore.”

“Okay. One question then.”

When Judd doesn’t ask a question right away, TK can’t help throwing his empty cup in Judd’s direction and asking, “Well?”

“You’re only giving me one question. I know to think before I waste that question. I already know how long you’ve been seeing him. And that you’ve been sleeping with him this whole time because you haven’t tried to hide that you’ve been sleeping with _someone_ —not from me anyway. I _don’t_ know if you’ve been sleeping around with other guys, but that’s not about him, so I don’t feel like I should waste my one question on that.”

TK rolls his eyes. “I’m not. It’s just him.”

“That was not my question. You told me that on your own.”

“I know that. You’re still taking forever.”

Judd rolls his eyes, but it’s only a few more seconds before he says. “Okay. Then I guess what I don’t get is why if you’re only sleeping with him, you hid him from the captain. I thought maybe you were just sleeping around in general, and that’s why you weren’t showing him off. But if it’s just him, I’m concerned. Because that makes me think something isn’t quite right.”

“I mean, there was one other guy, that I met off Grindr and hooked up with once but that was back before we went on an actual date,” TK admits. He’s dreading admitting that to Carlos even though he knows Carlos will say it’s fine.

“But that’s not why.” Judd confirms and he nods.

“Because my dad would rather me be hooking up with random guys than be in a serious relationship. And that’s your answer. I’m not ready to tell you _why_ it’s like that. And you can’t ask anyone. Because no one knows that except my dad, and if you start asking, then everyone will start asking me about it. But it doesn’t have anything to do with Carlos.” TK can’t help smiling when he adds. “Actually, my dad likes him so much that he might’ve changed his mind.”

“The captain doesn’t want you to be a serious relationship? That have to do with that ex you asked to marry you?” Judd asks.

“You already asked your one question and I told you I wasn’t telling you why already. I’m sorry. I’m just not ready for that. Tell me what Michelle said.” TK expects Judd to push, but even though he looks concerned, he nods and lets it go.

“She said—and this is at least close to a quote—‘if you think I’m telling you anything that helps you harass Carlos after the shit he’s putting up with and not letting me say anything about, you’re dead wrong,’ and then there were some things about how if I bothered him right now she was calling Grace.”

TK groans.

“Then you know you can’t say anything to him. Please. Leave him alone. He doesn’t deserve any threats. She regrets telling him to ask me out. I know she does.”

Judd doesn’t answer right away. When he does, he ignores the fact that he’s not supposed to ask more questions. “Does _she_ have any idea why you’re taking some time away from him?”

When TK glares at him, Judd just says, “I’m not asking why. I ‘m just asking if she’s as clueless as I am about it.”

“She doesn’t know why. Carlos sort of does, but he hasn’t told her because I work with her. Well, he doesn’t know that my dad doesn’t think I should date. He just knows some things that are the reason my dad doesn’t want me to date.”

“Well, whatever those things are, if he wants to keep seeing you, that’s up to him and it sounds like she knows that. But I think it would probably be helpful for everyone if you’d get more of us on the same page.”

Judd laughs at his surprised look. “Hey, I’ve been married over ten years. I know some things. Just don’t say you’ll do anything to get Michelle to approve of your relationship. That’s how I ended up building Grace’s daddy a deck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Carlos while I was writing this section:** lol. Michelle only minds her own business from TK's perspective.
> 
> ( **Me:** I did not move Iris’s return for TK, but he should really thank me.)


	17. Chapter 17

**TK:** I’m going home tomorrow.  
**Carlos:** Already?  
**TK:** I guess I slept through most of the healing I needed to do in the hospital. Which honestly, sounds very smart of me even if it was selfish.  
**Carlos:** It would have been nice if you’d woken up and let us know what you were doing.  
**TK:** My dad told Paul and Judd that I woke up while you weren’t here and now they’ve decided that’s *why* I woke up. Judd’s not even sure he likes you, but he says I’m a brat who would wake up because I wasn’t getting enough attention.  
**Carlos:** They’re wrong because I definitely made you lots of crazy promises of things I’d do if you woke up for me.  
**TK:** Really? My dad didn’t tell me that. Rude.  
**Carlos:** I mostly talked to you when no one else was there or your dad was asleep. I definitely made the more interesting promises when I was sure we were alone.  
**TK:** Well…I woke up…  
**Carlos:** Not when I asked you to.  
**TK:** So I don’t get any of those things? 🥺 🥺 [pleading face emojis]  
**Carlos:** We’ll see.  
**TK:** Paul says he doesn’t believe you and you’ll just spoil me as soon as I see you again.  
**Carlos:** Paul’s a smart guy.  
**TK:** 🤭

***

 **TK:** So my dad and I are going to go see the kid who shot me.  
**Carlos:** Really?  
**TK:** He has to be having a hard time. Maybe seeing that I’m okay will make him feel better.  
**Carlos:** Next time you question what I see in you, look back at that text. Not everyone would think that way.  
**TK:** He was scared. It was an accident.  
**Carlos:** I know.  
**TK:** I know what it’s like to make bad decisions when you’re really scared.  
**Carlos:** Let me know how it goes?  
**TK:** I will.

***

 **TK:** He said he’s sorry he shot me and agreed not to do it again. We shook on it.  
**Carlos:** That’s good?  
**TK:** I think it helped him. I told his dad I’d come back if they thought it would help him move on from it. And I think it helped me, too.  
**Carlos:** I’m glad.  
**TK:** I was hoping not seeing you would help me figure things out, but nothing’s helping, and I want to see you. Boba tomorrow if you want?  
**Carlos:** I can do that.

***

 **TK:** I can’t sleep. Are you awake?  
**Carlos:** I’m awake. I have extra energy from not chasing children all day.  
**TK:** …can you call and read to me again?  
**Carlos:** Of course.

***

Carlos is determined to stay in control when he sees TK. But then he sees TK standing in the sun looking perfect and beautiful and _alive_ and it’s impossible not to stare.

“Can I hug you?” Carlos asks when his staring has become awkward.

TK’s face does something Carlos doesn’t understand, but he nods. “Just be careful with my left shoulder.”

Carlos isn’t prepared for what it feels like to have TK in his arms again. He buries his face in TK’s neck and breathes in the pure healthy sent of his skin without a hint of the hospital. He knows the hug is going on too long, but he can’t get himself under control and when TK squeezes him tighter, his breath catches.

“I’m sorry,” TK says into his skin. “I should’ve let you come see me at least once. That was a dick thing to do. I know you’re going to say it’s okay, but I should’ve let you see that I was okay.”

Carlos nods into his neck and takes a deep breath. When he finally pulls back, he reaches up to hold TK’s face in his hands and just look at him. TK just stands there and indulges him until he’s convinced himself that TK’s alive.

“Sorry. I think I’m done now,” Carlos says when he can finally let him go.

“It’s okay.” TK takes his hand and pulls him toward the restaurant. “Come on. Let’s get drinks.”

They sit outside, and for a while Carlos is more than happy to just let TK talk. The worst thing about the hospital was that TK isn’t a silent person. Even when he’s avoiding serious topics, Carlos is used to his voice rambling about all kinds of things. Today it’s Brad Pitt and the Cowboys and finally the amazingness of boba itself. But eventually, they’re going to have to talk about something real.

“What?” TK asks after he finishes his diatribe about boba—something Carlos hasn’t admitted he doesn’t at all agree with. Blobs of snot is accurate, but there’s nothing fun about them.

Part of Carlos wants to let him keep avoiding it. But he can’t. He can’t ignore how ridiculously in love with TK he is. Not anymore. So, he asks. After months of avoiding it, he tells TK that his feelings for him are too strong ignore. TK doesn’t look surprised. Of course, he doesn’t. Carlos hasn’t been subtle.

But TK can’t give Carlos an answer either. He says that still doesn’t know if he wants to stay in Texas and after being shot, he doesn’t know if he wants to be a firefighter either. He doesn’t know anything and how can Carlos expect him to commit to Carlos when the rest of his life is so uncertain? It’s not like he can say he’ll follow TK back to New York if it comes to that.

It’s fair. Maybe it’s better that the problem doesn’t have anything to do with Carlos. TK’s never pretended to be completely in love with Austin. It makes sense no matter how much Carlos hates it and wants to go back in time. Because now that the inescapable problem is out in the open, they can’t take it back. It feels like whatever they had is over. Carlos isn’t sure how that happened. He didn’t put his feelings out there with the intention of ending anything no matter how TK reacted. He doesn’t know how just asking TK for some kind of explanation turned into what feels like a breakup.

And then when he’s trying to get away with some of his dignity intact, the world ends.

He hasn’t seen TK in action in months, and the situation with Lizzie was nothing like this. As scary as it felt, the chaos had long passed when TK came to the scene to bandage her up. This is nothing like that. TK tells him to keep everyone back, so that’s what he does even though he wants to tell TK that he should stop and wait for help. This isn’t Carlos’s area of expertise. It’s TK’s, and Carlos knows that jumping into the fray without being asked or given directions might cause more harm than help. Michelle always complains about civilians not listening to her when she gives them instructions. So, he calls 911 like TK asked him to and gives them directions while he tells everyone else to stay on the sidewalk. He wishes Grace had answered the call because the operator doesn’t understand why he’s worried about TK when he knows TK’s capable and trained. She just keeps telling him to wait for emergency personal unless someone who knows what they’re doing says otherwise.

Carlos tells himself that he’s only giving TK a limited amount of time before he’s going into the bus. He’s not losing TK again even if it means he has to hold the man down for his own good. TK already broke up with him, so it doesn’t really matter if he gets mad about Carlos not letting him die.

When the firetruck arrives, he recognizes the number immediately and runs toward them.

“TK’s in the bus. He’s trying to save the driver, and they’re both still in there,” Carlos says over their directions to get back. Owen looks at where he’s pointing and runs for the bus immediately.

“Okay, okay. We know. They told us,” Judd says with a calming tone Carlos never expected. “We’re going to get them, but we need you out of the way. We’ll get him.”

As Carlos nods and runs back to the sidewalk, he hears Judd growl, “stupid, brave, idiot is gonna give me a heart attack.”

When Owen comes out of the bus with TK, he’s holding an oxygen mask to TK’s face and TK’s shoulder is bleeding. Carlos wants to run to them, but he’s not the one in charge of managing the crowd now, and and an officer tells him that he has to stay on the sidewalk. He has to watch while TK hugs his dad and gets put in an ambulance. But then Owen’s eyes find him in the crowd, and he comes over.

“He should be okay, but they’re taking him to St. David’s,” Owen tells him. “I have to keep working.”

“I’ll go,” Carlos says without thinking and Owen nods before turning back to the scene.

His phone isn’t working, and the streets are a disaster, so when he gets to the emergency room, he’s afraid that TK’s already come and gone. But even though they won’t tell him much, when he explains that he’s TK ride, they tell him that TK’s in the back with the doctor and he can wait.

It’s another half hour before TK comes through the doors into the main waiting room. He doesn’t see Carlos until Carlos stands up.

“Your dad assumed I’d come get you because he had to stay,” Carlos says when TK gets to him.

“You could’ve let me call an Uber,” TK says.

“My phone doesn’t work. I figured yours doesn’t either. I wanted to make sure you could get home. I can just drop you off at home, okay?” Carlos leaves out that he needed to see TK and know that he was alive _again_. He kind of agrees with Judd. The man he loves is stupidly brave.

TK nods and follows him out to his car, but when they’re inside, TK puts his hand on Carlos’s arm to keep him from starting the car. Carlos stops, but he doesn’t look at him.

“I wasn’t trying to end things,” TK says. “I was explaining why I was unsure and why it wasn’t about you, and then suddenly it was like we broke up, but that wasn’t what I was trying to do. It wasn’t what I _wanted_ to do.”

“It’s okay. You warned me. Quite a few times, actually.” Carlos tries to start the car again because he can’t listen to TK apologize for something that’s really not his fault, but TK takes his hand to stop him and holds on.

“I know,” TK sighs and when Carlos finally looks at him, he’s looking right back. “I told you that I needed to go slow, and I didn’t know what I wanted. And then all these things happened, and I almost died. _Again_. I didn’t want to end everything, but you wanted answers I didn’t have. And if it’s too late, I get that—”

“Again?” Carlos interrupts because he can’t keep listening until he understands. “You almost died _again_?”

It makes TK break eye contact and look down, but he answers.

“When I relapsed, I ODed and went into cardiac arrest. My dad had to have our team break into my apartment. It’s why he made me move down here with him and live with him. He agreed to report it as an accident if I came here with him. I wasn’t _trying_ to kill myself, but maybe I was because I didn’t care if it happened and I kind knew that I was taking too many pills.”

“ _Baby_.” Carlos cups his cheek and makes TK look at him. He knew TK was still keeping some secrets, but this? He almost lost TK before they even met. Because of something TK did to himself because of how bad he was hurting. “I didn’t realize it was that serious. And you’re right. You said you needed time and I said I’d give it to you, but then I pushed. I’m sorry. I don’t know how it happened either. I just meant to check in with where we were. I didn’t think breaking things off was going to happen. I wasn’t trying to say I needed answers.”

“I’m really messed up and I won’t blame you if you’re tired of dealing with it, but I don’t really want us to be over.” TK’s voice cracks and Carlos undoes his seatbelt so that he can lean into TK’s space and pull him in. It’s not the most comfortable hug, but it’s worth it. He needs TK in his arms. He needs TK to know that he still has a place there.

“Okay. It’s okay. We can talk about it. I didn’t mean for things to end like either. We both just misunderstood each other. We’re not over, okay? I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere unless that’s what you want.”

TK nods into his chest.

“But can you please try to stay out of the hospital for just a few weeks for me?” Carlos says. “I think we can handle all of this better when I’m not scared that you’re going to die.”

TK laughs as he pulls away and wipes his face.

“Yeah. I promise to work really hard on that.”

“Do you want me to take you to your house or do you want to come home with me?” Carlos asks. If TK asks to go home, then they can argue about how Carlos isn’t going to leave him alone when they get there.

“Can you take me to the firehouse? I think I figured some things out. I need to talk to everyone,” TK says. It’s not an option Carlos expected, and he’s not sure it’s a good thing. Figuring things out might mean that TK knows he wants to go back to New York. But Carlos agrees anyway. Refusing isn’t going to make TK stay with him.

When they get to the station, TK stops Carlos from getting out of the car.

“I’ll be fine. I have clothes here and as much as I’d like to tell you to help me in the shower, I think we should talk before we go back there. Go home, shower, and change because you’ve been in the heat all day and you’re as gross as I am. My team will be off in a couple hours because they’re already running into overtime. If you want to come get me after you smell better, you can.” TK must misunderstand his hesitation because he adds, “If you want to. It’s cool if you want to just go home.”

Carlos rolls his eyes and pulls him into a kiss. Their first kiss since TK was shot. It makes it harder to let go.

“I want to. Don’t slip in the shower and get hurt again while I’m gone.”

TK groans. “I promise. If only because your best friend bitched at me the entire ride to the hospital. _Apparently_ , she’s concerned I’m going to drive you to an early grave. I didn’t believe your stories about her getting arrested until today.”

Carlos laughs and kisses him again and then one last time before letting him go.

***

 **Carlos:** Thanks for putting him back together. Again. He’s really got to work on this.  
**Michelle:** You’re welcome. Did something happen? Well, besides the obvious. He would barely look at me.  
**Carlos:** Yeah, but we’re okay now.  
**Michelle:** How many breaks are you going to give him? Seriously, Carlos.  
**Carlos:** At least one more? We’re hopefully going to talk tonight. He said he figured some things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter should be out Sunday. I've already started the sequel and I'll update on when that's coming Monday. Probably. Check my tumblr periodically if you want to know why things are up in the air. <3


	18. Chapter 18

“Should I be concerned that you’re taking me out in the middle of nowhere? Because that’s where Judd says he’d bury a body, so he’ll definitely look there first.”

Carlos laughs and squeezes his hand.

“I could use some time away from the city, and I want to get you away from all the electronics that might malfunction and put you in a hospital again,” Carlos explains. He loves Austin, but sometimes he still misses the quiet of the country and today is definitely one of those days.

“Okay, but what if something happens and no one can find us?” TK asks when Carlos turns onto a dirt road and stops his car by the gate he hasn’t gone through in a while.

“Michelle’s family owns this property. If you get hurt, she knows where we are, and she’ll come back and yell at you for making her fix you again.”

Carlos gets the blanket he threw in his backseat and leads TK to a flat part of the field Iris used to take him to when he started to complain about the city being too much.

“Yeah. I realize she was probably also mad at me about not seeing you, but I don’t want to listen to her yell at me again. She can say whatever she wants about letting Tim and Nancy work on Ellen. She picked me just so that she could yell at me.”

“No,” Carlos says as he spreads out the blanket and coaxes TK to lie down with him. The sky is a beautiful array of colors, but it still doesn’t compare to having TK pressed close to him again. “She worked on you because she knows I trust her the most, and I’d want her to take care of you.”

“I’m okay. They just had to put a couple extra stitches in at the hospital. There wasn’t even anything for her to do in the ambulance except put pressure on the wound and complain at me,” TK says, but he cuddles against Carlos’s side when Carlos directs him.

Carlos is still trying to figure out where their conversation should start when TK says, “When that bus crashed, I had to help. I had to try to save everyone. I know you were worried, but I had to. It’s what I do.”

“I know,” Carlos says.

“I didn’t. Or I’d forgotten. But in the moment, I just didn’t think. I had to help. But I couldn’t save her. Not by myself. I needed a team. And maybe it’s not the one I thought I’d have, but it’s not just my dad. Judd’s my brother no matter how much he says I drive him crazy. Paul is the smartest person I’ve ever met. And I know Marjan will always have my back because she’s not scared of anything. And Mateo, well, at least _someone_ looks up to me,” TK nudges him when he laughs, but when Carlos stops laughing, it still takes a few seconds before he continues. “I told them that I’m addict and why I left New York. I told them I’m staying. With the 126. In Austin.”

Carlos can’t speak. He can barely breathe.

“So, if you’re still into it, I think I’m ready for something more serious.”

“You know I’m still into it.” Of course, he is. He’s lying on a blanket with TK in his arms. But even so, he shifts to his side so that he can face TK and cup his cheek. “You’re sure?”

“I’ve been sure about you for a while,” TK says, and once again, he’s looking right at Carlos instead of averting his eyes. “It’s everything else that I wasn’t sure about.”

When Carlos kisses him, TK opens up easily. He doesn’t push or fight. He lets Carlos put all the love he’s still afraid to speak into the kiss. Carlos knows his smile is ridiculous when he pulls away, but TK’s smiling back at him so it’s okay.

“I would have said something as soon as you picked me up if I knew it would get me kissed like that, but if anyone else saw it, I’d never live it down. Still would’ve been worth it, of course.”

Carlos laughs and kisses him again and again. He doesn’t want to stop even when TK laughs and says, “Are you going to let me officially ask to be your boyfriend, or are we just having sex right here? Did you bring lube?”

Carlos pulls back just enough to look at him. “Okay. Ask.”

“We’re being all official now?”

“You wanted to ask.”

TK brushes their noses together and grins.

“Carlos Reyes, do you want to be my boyfriend?”

“Hum. Are we doing full names, here?” Carlos asks.

“You don’t know my full name, so sure.”

“It was on your hospital bracelet, but your dad advised me not to use it without permission,” Carlos tells him, and he groans.

“TK Strand,” Carlos says before they can get distracted. “Yes, I want to be your boyfriend. And I will keep your name a secret if that’s what you want.”

“I like this plan,” TK says and kisses him again. “But also, I’ve never had sex outside. Did. You. Bring. Lube?”

“Okay, now you’re making me want to pull out your full name. Because _you_ just got out of the hospital. You can’t have sex.”

TK groans and rolls onto his back.

“Seriously?”

“There’s no way you should be doing that. Have you asked a doctor about that?”

“And here I was going to say that maybe if you’re going to get all dominate and toppy with my name like that, I might allow it because it might be hot. I was willing to try it out, but now we don’t get to find out.”

“Well, you’ll just have time to think about it.”

TK whines, but he cuddles back into Carlos’s arms with a soft smile.

“Hey Carlos?”

“Yeah?”

“I like boys, not girls. Just in case you hadn’t figured that out.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is only sort of the end. I've already written 9 chapters of the sequel. My life is on hold right now, so the most I can say is that the first chapter will be up on the August 26th at the latest. I've been on tumblr a lot so I'm sure I will update on my situation there.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to read all my other stuff it is posted on a different site or (if you just want to follow me on tumblr so I have more 9-1-1: Love Star people), I'm not to allowed to link it here, but the link to that can be found on  
> my tumblr: @lostinanimage
> 
> As always, if you find typos and want to tell me about them, go ahead. I'm always happy to go fix them.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [If You Love Me, Don't Let Go](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27377035) by [aleia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aleia/pseuds/aleia)




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